------------------------------------------------------------------- F.A.C.T.Net, Inc. (Fight Against Coercive Tactics Network, Incorporated) a non-profit computer bulletin board and electronic library 601 16th St. #C-217 Golden, Colorado 80401 USA BBS 303 530-1942 FAX 303 530-2950 Office 303 473-0111 This document is part of an electronic lending library and preservational electronic archive. F.A.C.T.Net does not sell documents, it only lends them according to the terms of your library cardholder agreement with F.A.C.T.Net, Inc. ------------------------------------------------------------------- 27 July 1994 TO: DAVID CLARK CAROL GIAMBALVO ROSANNE HENRY HAL MANSFIELD NANCY MIQUELON BOB PENNY FR: MICHAEL LANGONE RE: THOUGHTS ON THE WORKSHOP I want to thank all of you for your contributions to what I'm sure we all agree was a moving and valuable workshop. On the trip home I found myself thinking constantly about what I had observed. I had to write it down. Attached are my reflections. Because you were at the same event and because you have your own valuable insights and perspectives on the recovery question, I would appreciate your feedback on the attached essay. Although it is tied to the emotions of the workshop, it has been blurted out relatively quickly and without the perspective of a week or two of inattention. Therefore, do not hesitate to be critical if you see anything that needs fixing. Thanks. [This is a draft copy of Dr. Langone's reflections on the workshop, made available via FACTNet with his permission.] ===================================================================== Reflections on Post-Cult Recovery Michael D. Langone, Ph.D. American Family Foundation On July 22-24, 1994 the American Family Foundation conducted an "After the Cult" workshop at the St. Malo Retreat Center in Estes Park, Colorado. Carol Giambalvo, Nancy Miquelon, Hal Mansfield, Roseanne Henry, and I organized the workshop and served as presenters, as did David Clark and Bob Penny. It was the first in the Denver area and was extremely well received by the participants. The insightful and moving discussions inspired me to write down some of the reflections inspired by the workshop. I wish to share these with you. As the workshop participants made very clear, the subjective essence of the cult experience is psychological abuse, and betrayal in particular. Cults offer to fulfill commonly experienced human needs for certainty, understanding, and self-esteem. They (1) provide black-and-white answers to life's problems, (2) refuse to entertain doubt about those answers, and (3) hold themselves up as superior to everyone else. [These three points are what Dr. Langone calls the "absolutist triad."] Youth, troubled persons, and individuals experiencing stress (which includes nearly everyone at some point in their lives) are most likely to be attracted to groups offering this absolutist triad. If vulnerable persons encounter a sufficiently persuasive or seductive cultic group (I presume that there is a range of groups varying from mildly persuasive to dishonestly seductive) at the right time in their lives, they may indeed join. When they join, they expect benevolence, respect, love, help, etc. What they receive is very different. The reason is twofold. First, the absolutist triad is an illusion. It moves people away from reality and genuine human connections. It is the opposite of what one could call the adaptive triad: tolerance of ambiguity (no black-and-white answers), acceptance of the necessity of a questionning mind possessed of a healthy measure of doubt (discernment), and humility and openness (though not an uncritical openness) to the meaning systems of other people. Thus, to the extent cults try to deliver the absolutist triad (and they try very hard), they come into conflict with the inexorable demands of the human condition. The second reason cults don't deliver the benevolent results they promise is their tendency to manipulate and exploit their members (groups that aren't manipulatively exploitative are not cults). Cults employ subtle systems of thought reform (also called coercive persuasion and mind control) to recruit members and to maintain them in systems that exploit members' needs while promising to fulfill those needs. Thought reform is not all-powerful, as some sensationalized media accounts imply. Nor do all groups employ it to the same extent. But it can be remarkably successful in causing large numbers of persons to spend years in social systems that are harmful and sometimes extremely abusive. (1) Most persons ultimately leave cults, or are ejected from their groups (2). Research suggests that members leave when they become disenchanted with the group's inability to deliver on its promises, become disillusioned with the hypocrisy or fraudulent practices of the group's leadership, are separated from the group for a period of time, or are able to discuss doubts and concerns with an intimate. A majority can acknowledge being troubled by the experience. We can only speculate how many are troubled but unable to acknowledge or recognize their own pain. Although the degree of harm cultists experience varies greatly, there is abundant evidence that a large percentage, if not a majority, of former cultists are severely distressed as a result of their cult experience, while some are devastated. (3) The core of this distress is the sense of having been abused by persons thought to be benevolent, that is, of having been betrayed. When they leave their groups many members feel "spiritually raped," violated at the core of their beings. As with physical rape, this violation is traumatic and, as with rape, it severely damages the capacity to trust -- oneself, others, and God. Ironically, ex-cultists find themselves most in need of the illusory comfort of the absolutist triad when they realize that they have been betrayed by those promising this triad (that is why, perhaps, so many persons will join a cultic group after leaving another). If they have insight sufficient to resist the allure of the absolutist triad, they will understandably feel empty, depressed, guilty, and painfully unsure of what/who is real and trustworthy and even how to discover what/who is real and trustworthy. In the most extreme cases they are in a state of psychological bankruptcy in which all feelings are tinged by the sourness of betrayal. They must begin anew when they have nothing to grab hold of and no idea about where to turn for help. That so many do indeed recover is a testament to thelr courage and enduring capacity to love. Although some manage to pull themselves together without substantial outside assistance, the sharing at the after-the-cult workshops highhghts the value of knowledgeable support. The ex-members who have made it out of psychological bankruptcy say to those still suffering: "There is a way out. You can trust again. Hold my hand." Instead of the absolutist triad of black-and-white answers, certainty, and hollow superiority, they offer the adaptive triad of tolerance, discernment, and humility. Instead of giving abuse and humilitation, they give respect and love. Instead of advocating unrealistic standards that guarantee failure, they advocate and model a humble, step-by-step approach to solving problems. This step-by-step approach provides a way out of the ex-cultist's core problem: learning how to trust again. There are two kinds of trust: predictable respect (trust in the benevolence of oneself or others) and predictable competence (trust in the ability of oneself or others). The absolutist triad undermines trust because it demands certainty, perfection, and superiority. Thus, ex-members must let go of the cult's alluring absolutist triad. They must cultivate the adaptive triad by setting human standards that acknowleldge the reality of their situation and by meeting day-to-day challenges one step at a time. If they watch, record, and review their progress, and especially if they also have loving hands to hold, they will over time come to believe in the predictability of their self-respect (i.e., the tendency to treat oneself as deserving of kindness instead of guilty recriminations) and competence (including their imperfect capacity to judge what is real and good) -- they will come to trust themselves. Learning to trust oneself precedes learning to trust others because the latter requires discernment, and discernment presupposes confidence in (trust in) one's own cognitive competence. That is why it is so often helpful for ex-cultists to reconnect to their pasts, to what they knew before the cult. It is easier to rebuild trust in oneself by first reflecting upon and in a sense "returning" to those times when they did trust in themselves. Developing trust in others may be viewed metaphorically as developing a well-differentiated array of concentric circles representing the varying levels of closeness into which a discerning self allows others. These circles express the psychological boundaries that distinguish a person from others. In a cult these boundaries are dissolved as the individual is presured to identify with and merge into the group persona. Once out of the cult, ex-cultists must learn not only how to reestablish boundaries, but how to reestablish (or for some people, establish for the first time) appropriate boundaries. Who should be allowed into the inner circle? Who into the mid-range? Who should be kept at the periphery? Who should be excluded? These decisions require discernment and the courage to experiment in a social world that, though not nearly as abusive as the cult, contains abuse as well as respect and love. Having the help of respectful and loving people who model discernment and courage and who offer understanding and a helping hand can be invaluable to ex-cultists hesitatingly trying to reach out to others. Reestablishing trust in God can be even more difficult than reestablishing trust in oneself and others. (The following reflections may not apply to those persons who feel no need for a relationship with God, for example, because they do not believe in God or are agnostic.) First of all, God is often associated with religion, and most ex-members who have approached clergy or religious institutions for help have been deeply disappointed. Secondly, ex-cultists have had a compelling personal experience of evil, and they angrily ask how a loving God could have permitted their spiritual rape while they sought God so fervently. Religions do not very convincingly answer the problem of evil, of which the ex-cultist's experience is a special case, mainly because the explanations they offer tend to presume a faith in the God whose existence the experience of evil calls into question. The explanations may satisfy believers, but they offer little consolation to those whose contact with evil' has left them doubting God's existence. Thus, ex-cultists frequently feel abandoned by God or turn away from Him when they most need Him. Their tendency is to place their suffering before the "God who might be there" and say: "If you exist, and if you are indeed a loving and merciful God, you'll understand why I cannot have anything to do with you now. I have been savaged by lies, and more than anything I need truth, even if only one crumb at a time. As much as I would like to believe in you, I will not allow myself to be deceived again. So if I am ever to believe in you again, it will take time. If you can't understand this, then you don't exist." Surprisingly, it appears that most ex-cultists, as their trust in themselves and others increases, eventually reconcile with God, although nearly half, according to a survey I conducted, tend not to identify with any religious denomination. Those ex-cultists who do not lose their faith in the God of Judaism and Christianity have a divine hand to hold during their struggle to rebuild trust in themselves and others. The "God who is there" is there for the psychologically bankrupt as well as the psychologically affluent. Thus, ex-members tortured by free-falling self-doubt can humbly turn to God and pray for the courage and discernment to move forward one step at a time and to take the hands of those whom they hope genuinely care without strings attached. A bit of trust in God can lead to a bit of trust in oneself, which in turn can lead to a bit of trust in others. But the growth of trust is not unidirectional. Trust, whether in God, oneself, or others, breeds further trust -- provided that the ex-cultist has the courage to move one step at a time and the good fortune to move toward people who behave respectfully and with understanding. That first, vital spark of courage must come from the mysterious depths of the ex-cultist's soul. But after that first, lonely courageous step, caring others can give the encouragement that motivates ex-cultists to quicken their pace and move forward more and more confidently. Notes: (1) For a description of thought reform and the psychiatric casualties associated with it, see Margaret T. Singer and Richard Ofshe (April, 1990), Thought reform programs and the production of psychiatric casualties, Psychiatric Annals, 20, 188-193. (2) Ejecting dissident members is one of the methods used to keep the less rebellious in line -- see Jerry MacDonald (1988), "Reject the wicked man" -- Coercive persuasion and deviance production: A study of conflict management, Cultic Studies Journal, 5(1), 59-121. (3) For a summary of the scientific evidence pertinent to these points, see Michael Langone (Ed.) (1993), Recovery from cults, New York: Norton. ================================================================= If this is a copyrighted work, you are acknowledging by receipt of this document from FACTNet that on the basis of reasonable investigation, you have not been to obtain a copy elsewhere at a fair price, and that you are and will abide by the following copyright warning. WARNING CONCERNING COPYRIGHT RESTRICTIONS: The copyright law of the United States (Title 17, United States Code) governs the making of photo copies or other reproductions of copyrighted material. 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(Fight Against Coercive Tactics Network, Incorporated) a non-profit computer bulletin board and electronic library 601 16th St. #C-217 Golden, Colorado 80401 USA BBS 303 530-1942 FAX 303 530-2950 Office 303 473-0111 This document is part of an electronic lending library. F.A.C.T.Net does not sell documents, it only lends them according to the terms of your library cardholder agreement with F.A.C.T.Net, Inc. ------------------------------------------------------------------- CARD CATALOG ENTRY DOS FILENAME OF TEXT FILE: AFTECULT.TXT DOS FILENAME OF IMAGE FILES: none ADMINISTRATIVE CODE: OK SECURITY CODE: SCO DISTRIBUTION CODE: RO DESCRIPTION FOR BBS FILE LISTING: The Cult Observer March 1993 SORT TO: PROFESSIONALS CONTRIBUTOR: American Family Foundation (AFF) LOCATION OF ORIGINAL: FACTNet NOTES: For additional verification see the contributor of the document. UPDATED ON: 8/22/94 UPDATED BY: FrJMc =================================================================