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Inside Scientology by Robert Kaufman

What is Scientology ? A new religion ? A secret society ? A 
post-biblical incarnation of Satan and his black angels ? A 
formidable politico-financial p.ower ready to take over the 
Western world ? Some bizarre form of mystical fascism ?

Its founder L. Ran Hubbard, an American science fiction writer 
whose past is shrouded in mystery and contradictions, reigns 
from his personal fleet, surrounded by his whiteuniformed spiritual 
bodyguard known as the Sea Org, over an immense hierarchy particularly 
active in Britain and in America, but also fast spreading over 
many other terri-
	tories, including Scandinavia and
	Australia, Canada and South Africa.	~
	The Scientologlsts have claimed a	17
	~embership of up to fifteen millions
	but, whatever the exact number, it
	is a fact that Scientology owes as
	much of its formidable 'strength to	~'~
	the fanatical devotion of its followers	'A'
	as it does to the personal power
	wielded by some of its higher-echelon
	'members--lawyers, bankers, business-
	men and influential politicians--
	', tlSBURG PA
usually a very well-kept secret.II	ú

Scientology claims that it can transform any man into Superman, 
that it is invincible and indestructible, and that its members 
form a selective aristocracy dwelling well above the common 
level of humanity. But it has also been described as a dangerous 
~ystification, a cynical enterprise mounted to seduce lonely, 
depressed, or unbalanced persons with the illusion of spiritual 
guidance--and to relieve them of the considerable

Continued on back flap

THE OLYMPIA PRESS Price USA: $6.95
Price UK: œ2.25


First published in Great Britain by The Olympia Press Ltd in 
1972

First American publication by
The Olympia Press. Inc in 1972

For catalogues, mail order service, and all inquiries, write 
to:

in Great Britain: 20 Rupert Street
London WI

in the United States: 220 Park Avenue South
New York. New York 10093

Copyright c 1972 by The Olympia Press~In~ , 1

ISBN 7004 0110 5

Library of Congress Catalog Card Number 73-189412

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted, 
or reproduced or utilized in any form or by any electronic, 
mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented. 
including photocopying and recording, or in any information 
storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing 
from the Publisher.

Printed in Great Britain by Oxley Press Lid. London and Edinburgh

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Be/ow is ctt~ imc~ghtcu'y fetter ~rot~x otxe Scietx~o{og~ member 
to another. Imaginary, but perfectly possible.

Dear Demetrius, you rascally old thetan you!
lt's about time Iaeked your last letter. I can attest that this 
is actually my first morncat's respite in the year AD 21. Here's 
the Rfactor you've been waiting for: Things are really swinging 
at the AO. Fast-flow is IN; lots of floating needles and OT 
releases. Expanded Grades has made the difference, I'm currently 
on Class VIII and it's the greatest yet--lots of COGS, even 
tops Special Briefing. I've been totally keyed-out ever since 
my New Power. Last night 1 left the body behind for three hours. 
And Dissere is effortless when you're not tied down by MEST. 
We WILL get Standard Tcch in on this planet and Clear the Galaxy]
I hate to enturbulate our comm lines but something is definitely 
OUT at the org. I have a feeling it's the D of T. I can't give 
you his whole case review on upper levels, as you know, but 
a while back he had an ARC break, started nattering from the 
bank and blew the Hill. Well, they got him back all right, pulled 
all his withholds and put him through a Joburg and an S&D. He 
disconnected from the SP, but that didn't end cycle. More recently, 
he seems to have become addicted to a kind of woggish Q-and-A; 
he's complained of SOMS even after a rehab, and is coming on 
PTS again, QUAL had to channel him into review lines and give 
him a Green-form and a by-passed charge assessment. He had a 
few falls and a rock slam before his meter packed with high 
TA. There may be a false attestation somewhere-R6 EW or earlier--or 
perhaps an unflat service fac. The guy may even be stuck in 
a past life incident. In any event, the poor bastard's spinning 
and we have to get him cleaned if it takes Ethics landing him 
a Doubt and sencling him to the boat for a billion-year conlract.
Enough on that--I don't wish to overrun you; you must think 
I'm back in my yenta valence again! So long for now--I have 
to go across the road and do TR-O on a cow! Talk to you soon, 
man.
With ARC,
Louise


PREFACE

A Scientology story is science fiction come to life.
As time lengthens between my Scientology adventure and the present, 
the crucial nature of the experience subsides, and life in our 
world, that great world known to the Scientologists as the wog 
world, has gradually regained its equal place as true science 
fiction.
Our own science fiction differs from Scientology in appearances 
only. The inner trends are much the same, despite their respective 
surface garbs; the forces which move the world of Sciento!.ogy~ 
the emotions, the quests, the manipulations~are universal. For 
example, when a child is born into our world he is usually taught 
that he is a human and that humans are vastly different from 
everything else in the universe. He is told what his gender 
is, what his color is, and all of the local customs; also, that 
he owes his allegiance to his family and/or his tribe and/or 
his religion and/or his country.
TIm Scientologists would tell..him that l-_..e... js~_.7a !hetttn,.a~n~ 
~ha_t. a_.L s.udh':'li~'Gwes l~is allegiance to one man.
~ciento10gy is the creation of that one man, an American named 
L. Ron Hubbard. I would define a Scientologist as one who believes 
that which issues from Hubbard's mouth or pen.
vii


PREFACE

Hubbard's venture into the realm of spiritual expansion has 
netted him millions of dollars in a Swiss bank account, a fleet 
of sailing vessels which includes a flagship to float him about 
the Mediterranean, multitudinous branches of his parent organization 
scattered over the globe, an overseer's control of the lives 
of many thousands of members, and a Telex system linking up 
fi~e web of operations. Aside from this, little is known about 
the man. The available bits and pieces of biographical information 
leave whole areas of his life in shadow. His followers consider 
him to be superhuman.
The general public knows almost as little about the Scientology 
movement as it does about its creator. Unless one has been in 
it or has a friend or relative in it or has been stopped on 
the street by young pamphlet-waving proselytizers, he may never 
even have heard of Scientology. When someone asks me, "What 
is Scientology?" I am obliged to tell him that it would take 
at least one hour to give a decent explanation. Scientology 
has been called a religion, a moneymaking scheme, a cure-all 
therapy, and a mind-bending cult, unusual in these times in 
that it uses no drugs.
In addition, Scientology has its own cosmos, its own laws, its 
own techniques, and its own language. All of these things are 
provided by L. Ron Hubbard and together they define Scientology's 
uniqueness: its atmosphere. To a Scientologist this atmosphere 
is beneficent, representing to him a secure haven with side-exists 
to Utopia. To the outsider who has had a hint of what is going 
on within this haven, it may denote something entirely different, 
something so insidious he may not wish to know anything more 
about it.
To provide a complete picture of the movement would require 
several volumes, and a task force of writers, investigators, 
and former Scientologists (a growing sub-class of our population). 
Such an undertaking woulcl inevitably include the fascinating 
and weighty report submitted by an Australian Board of Inquiry 
on Scientology, September 28, 1965. Meanwhile, I offer my own 
answer to the question "What is Scientology?": a documentary 
of my life as a Scientologist from April 1967, to August 1968, 
and the aftermath of the experience. Everything in this account 
happened. Scientology techniques, procedures, and personnel 
are described here exactly as they were in 1968. I have no reason 
to think that they have changed intrinsically since then. Only 
the names of most of the people in the narrative have been changed.
I invite the reader to join me on a trip into the freakish world 
created and presided over by a godlike arch-crook, a messiah, 
an inspired businessman, or a hopelessly demented megalomaniac, 
depending on how you look at him. My immediate task is to describe 
with some coherence how I got myself into a world which, even 
at

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PREFACE

the time, struck me as a cross between a weird joke and sheer 
insanity.
The permanent inhabitants of that world speak a jargon which 
I call "Scientologese," an example of which appears before the 
title page. So vast is its array of specialized terms, many 
with overlapping meanings which seem foggy to a non-Scientologist, 
that I have strictly limited its use during the story (a look 
at some of Hubbard's writings will convince the reader of my 
efforts in this department.) The letter from one Scientologist 
to another is solely for illustration --to give the reader something 
of the very special feel of Scientology, and I will not spring 
anytl~ing quite like that on him again. Generally, each new 
term will be explained as it is introduced. Any time a quick 
refresl~er on vocabulary is needed, a glossary at the end of 
the book defines the one hundred and ninety terms which I did 
find necessary for the telling of the story.
The au~liting q~testions~as voiced by the various autlitors 
(Scientology practitioners) whom I came in contact with--will 
be in italics; these questions are quintessential to Scientology 
processing methods, and are memorized by each auditor during 
his training.
There are italicized quotes from L. Ron Hubbard sprinkled througl~out 
the book, and some larger sections in smaller print-like the 
letter--which are the author's paraphrase of what Hubbard has 
to say. I suggest that whenever the reader comes to a quote 
or paraphrase, he imagines it being spoken in a rich baritone 
. . . gravelly yet mellifluous, at once ingratiating and commanding: 
The Voice of Mr. Scientology.

ix


INTRODUCTION: DIANETICS
The Creation o~ diatzetics is a milestone for Man comparable 
to his discovery o/[ire and superior to his inventions o[ the 
wheel and arch . . .
L.	RON HUBBARD

My story begins in 1950, with the appearance on the bookstands 
of L. Ron Hubbard's Dianetics: The Motlern Sciettce o[ Mental 
Health. The assertions on its bright green cover hit one like 
a blackjack. Hubbard claimed to have discovered nothing less 
than the "hidden source of all psychosomatic ills and human 
aberrations... and skills for their invariable cure." I read 
it avidly.
The basic theory is simple enough. Hubbard maps out the human 
psyche in a manner reminiscent of the id, ego, and superego. 
The Dianetic version of the mind cons~ts of two major elements, 
so that there are actually two minds, the tmalytical and the 
reactive: one good, the other bad. The analytical mind is the 
k:onscious, thinking mind, a flawless portable"Computer, 'while 
the reactive mind is a stimulus-response mechanism, a moronic, 
miasmal carry-over from caveman days. T!~e single source of 
our grief here on earth is found to lie in engrams, recordings 
of overwhelmingly painful events which, unbeknownst to us, were 
imprinted in o'ur reactlye minds over the years whenever the 
analytical mind shorted-out due to stress. These engrams, when 
restimulated--keyed into present time by something in the environment--have 
the effect of pulling the victim back into the original incident. 
He then reexperienceS,...t0.
xi


INTRODUCTION

some extent, its pain or emotional disturbance. As the reactive 
mind does not think, words recorded during an incident have 
devastating impact: engramic words restimulated in later years 
are taken blindly and literally by the individual as commands.
A person's engrams are spaced out along fi~e Time Track, a film 
strip type recording of his entire lifetime. The first and most 
damaging engram (basic-basic or BB) is probably recorded on 
the Time Track before birtb; it seems that timre are pretlatal 
engrams. The results of having a reactive mind, a Time Track, 
and a BB are far-reaching enough to have made engrams, as described 
in the book, the cause of most of the misery of the world, from 
mildly aberrative behavior to disease, war, and insanity.
Hubbard calls his method for alleviating this sad condition 
auditing. It is rudimentary. One has only to locate these incidents 
on tim patients time track and have him relive them in all their 
grisly detail. Several relivings are generally sufficient to 
erase an engram and its harmful effect. A person who gets rid 
of all his engrams in this manner is called a Clear. He is then 
completely free from neuroses and psychosomatic symptoms, gifted 
with total recall, and possessed of an almost superhuman IQ. 
Restored to his rightful functionings, a Clear would be the 
first fully self-determined being on our planet, the happy occupant 
of a brighter world.
It was not altogether the theory and method that made Hubbard's 
book seem different (one could discern in them many existing 
ideas, with particularly strong echoes of Freud). It is the 
style of the author that attracted attention. Hubbard is apparently 
a throwback to pioneer days when a man was not embarrassed to 
brag of his exploits. He is uninhibited, supremely confident, 
and often arrogant. Throtlghout Dianetics he attacked the established 
healing professions with swashbuckling vehemence. Hubbard does 
not find it necessary to delve deeply into the workings of the 
analytical mind. He focuses his attention on the reactive mind, 
that repository of human ills, documenting it graphically and 
at great length, and garnishing his explanations with an ever-expanding 
nomenclature of his own devising, what would appear to be an 
attempt to renovate the entire psychiatric terminology. His 
descriptions of various types of engrams are lurid and unforgettable, 
for example, the commonlyoccurring attempted abortion prenatal 
(the ,,tA ), in which the victim is flushed, scraped, and pierced 
with knitting needles. Many people find this made fascinating 
reading.
The many readers of Dianetics, grown interested in its author, 
have found scanty available information about him. Hubbard claims 
to have had an exceptionally varied background. In his youth 
his adventurous spirit led him to such remote areas as the hills 
of
xii

;~ ,. ! ~ ,i! !' 'i !'~


INTRODUCTION

ever feasibility Dianetics had. It resembles the science fiction 
that Hubbard once wrote. New and wilder terminology is introduced. 
There is MEST, which stands for Matter, Energy, Space, and Time 
--the physical universewand enMEST, MEST in a state of turbulence. 
Also theta, the spiritual, or non-physical, and entheta, (enturbulated 
theta). Patients sleep off the effects of engram-running in 
boil-oils, periods of grogginess or unconsciousness which last 
up to thirty hours. I wondered why Hubbard found these innovations 
necessary so soon after proclaiming the original Dianetics to 
be unfailingly successful. An advertisement which came with 
the latter book stated that a Dianetic Research Foundation had 
been established in Wichita, Kansas, where one could be audited 
for a fee. One could only assume that sometime after Dianetics, 
Hubbard came to feel that we could not audit each other. I was 
disappointed to learn that my several readings of Dianetics, 
and the diligently conducted auditing sessions with my friend, 
had been a greater waste of time than either of us had imagined. 
It now seemed likely that L. Ron Hubbard himself had never fully 
believed in Dianetics, despite his claims; the money-making 
trend in the latest advertising was too blatant to miss.
Needless to say, Hubbard's books on the mind were roasted by 
the reviewers, and his theories termed utterly without scientific 
basis. Dianetics was slammed by Martin Gardner in his Fads and 
Fallacies in the Name o[ Science. More than one satire was published 
on Dianetics; Hubbard's inflated claims and self-conscious vocabularly 
offered a perfect target. He was having his ups and downs. A 
rumor appeared in a magazine that he had been confined to a 
mental hospital. For the most part, I forgot about L. Ron Hubbard 
and Dianetics.

xiv

,~
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CONTENTS

PreJace	vii
lntrodttction	xi
PART ONE The Franchise

	Raw-meat	3
	Preclear	9
	Maurice	20
	Considerations	24
	The New York Org	27
	Saint Hill	30
	The OT 11	33
	The Dianetics Class	37
	The Bulletins	45
	Dianetic Training	50
	Umberto	56
	Auditing Live PCs	61
	A Scientology Party	63
	Life on the Inside	66
	Life on the Outside	69
An Evening At The Franchise	75 Scientology Cognition	78

Xv


In
~	CONTENTS
~	PART TWO Saint Hill	81

:a	The Manor	83
n	The Grade V Power Process	86
,~	The Grade VI Solo Class	91
r	The OTs	96
~	HCOB Packs A-D 99
	The Sea Org	103
:~	The E-F Packs	105
~~	Bruce	107
,a	The Inner Structure of the Mind	109
o	Twin Check-outs	113
n	Albert Albert	117
'~	Preparations for Solo Audit	120
$
	Solo Audit	129
h
.r	Out-going Lines	131

P	PART THREE The Aouk	137
::)

,t~	The Upper Levels	139
i	The Special Briefing Course	176
.~

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u~	PART FOUR Return to the Wog World	207

; ,	Life in Present Time	209
~!	Scientology Sickness	217
P}
s!	PART FIVE	Return	225

~	Clusters	229
~	Exteriorization	231
t	The Lion of the Reactive Mind	233
I	Mental Copies 235
	Valences	237
I	As-Is-ing	239
~	Engrams	242
"	The Tiber Effect	244
h	Triple-flow	247
fi:.
~]	Light Through the Murk 249
	The Final Session	253
~i!
r	Post-scripts	259

"i	POST-MORTEM	261
r.
I!	APPENDIX A	264
~	Scientology Security Checks	264

	APPENDIX B	268
	E-Meter Drill	A,	268

	APPENDIX C	270
	Success Stories	270

	First Abridged Unapproved
	Dictionary of Scientologese	271

XVi

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The compulsive quest for certainty is not the expression of 
genuine faith but is rooted in the need to conquer the unbearable 
doubt.

ERICH FROMM


INSIDE SCIENTOLOGY


PART ONE:

The Franchise

ú . . I, Ve use on him the exact button he came to us on so 
he's never dismayed at any change of tack on our part. Then 
we interest him in clearing ....

L.	RON HUBBARD


RAW-MEAT

When I began hearing about Scientology in the mid~'60s from 
two friends~scparately~I took it to be a cover-all name for 
everything which L. Ron Hubbard had propounded since 1950. My 
friends preferred to call it an "expansion of Dianetics," and 
it did seem even more embellished than the book I had read in 
the interim. They did not mention engrams or clearing. Instead, 
they spoke of the thetan, the pure, native, immortal soul, and 
the goal of freeing it. They were incapable of specifying precisely 
what it was the thetan had to be freed from, but whatever it 
was was not restricted to this lifetime, as with the engrams, 
but took the patient into past lives. This freeing of the thetan 
was accomplished by a series of "confessionals," in which tim 
patient, or pc (for preclear: one who has not yet been cleared), 
had to answer some rather personal questions. The tests were 
called processes, and their format consisted of five grades, 
each with a different objective, such as "increasing the preclear's 
ability to communicate," and "increasing the preclear's ability 
to solve problems." Getting through the grades required several 
trips to the local branch of the Scientology organization-the 
org--and payment of over $700,
Through these pages the reader will come to feel as familiar 
with these terms as he would with the items on his own shopping 
list. As

3


	ii	III IIII	IllIll

Robert Kaufman

far as my friends were concerned, the most remarkable thing 
about Scientology was not the thetans or the processes but a 
machine. During an auditing session, the preclear gripped two 
empty tin cans connected by wires to an electric box called 
an E-meter, which sent a constant light electric charge through 
his body, and registered on its dial his resistance to certain 
questions. The auditor could gauge the preclear's responses 
by watching the dial, and thereby know how to proceed with the 
questioning. The E-meter imtnediately found the areas of tension; 
it could tell the auditor when the pc was nervous, trying to 
hide something--or thinking anything at all! My friends lauded 
the miraculous powers of this apparatus as if it were not a 
small, portable "lie detector," but a magic divinh~g rod-particularly 
one of them (I shall call him Morton Morvis) who found that 
when he was being interrogated with an E-meter, he always had 
to reveal his innermost tt~oughts, no matter how risqu6 or self4ncriminating 
they were. He seemed to relish this, esp6cially when the auditor 
happened to be a voluptuous young female.
There were other features of Scientology which helped to make 
it, for Morton, more than grim confessional. "You've got to 
hear this guy Hubbard's tapes," he said. "He sounds like a practical, 
downto-earth cowpuncher from out West or somewhere, while he's 
telling us about our whole galaxy$ I saw him on film at the 
org; he's fantastic~ He looks like a combination of pro-football 
player, business executive, and Roman Emperor. He says the L. 
stands for Lafayette. Ron Hubbard was Lafayette in one of his 
past lives."
Morton liked to entertain me with tales of the New York Org, 
where he was taking an auditor's training course. One of the 
main things a prospective auditor had to learn was how to keep 
a straight fact when confronting a preclear. He had to have 
enough self-control not to flinch at even the most extreme irrationalities 
issuing from the pc's reactive mind, that part of his psyche 
which housed the engrams or other disturbances. To help the 
trainee acquire this ability, a coach played the role of a pc, 
rampant with reactlye mind, who was out to shake up the auditor 
in any way possible. The drill was known as bull-baiting.
Most coaches found it most convenient to try to make the auditorin-training 
laugh. Morton described to me one such session. He and his coach 
sat in chairs facing each other, the coach almost on top of 
him, with his knees tightly pinionlag Morton's. The coach fl~en 
set out to find Morton Morvis's buttons~subjects which broke 
him up and diverted his attention from his auditing. He began 
by investigating the possibility that Morton had a "Jewish button" 
which needed flattening (the majority of Jewish people happened 
to have such a button).

4

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INSIDE SCIENTOLOGY

"Mishter Morvish," crooned the coach, "mosht pippie left et 
me ven I tzing--but you von't left et me yen I tzing, vill you, 
Mishter Morvish?" With that he cleared his throat and went into 
repeated choruses of Tzum golly golly golly. Other Scientologists 
took up the refrain until the tune reverberated in various voice 
registers throughout the room. An ingenious girl added as counterpoint 
Theme lrom Exodtts: "Dai dai... dai dai . . . dai dai dai dai 
dai DAIEEE .... " The org resounded with the music and Morvis's 
gasps of laughter. Just as he had calmed down, a stranger stepped 
into the room and announced, "I've just come from the planet 
Sholom in the galaxy Sheket. Did you ever see a thetan wearing 
a yarmulka?" and they were off again. All told, it took six 
l~ours to "flatten" Morvis's Jewish button.
The sexual side of life was often a "heavy button," and this 
gave Morvis his chance for revenge on the young lady who had 
sung the theme from "Exodus." She couldn't manage to keep a 
straight face when he said, "I'd love to run my tongue around 
the area between your legs," delivered with appropriate licking 
motions. She had the last word, however', when she got another 
turn to bull-bait him; she found that he still had an un/tat 
button--flatulence--and kept him in convulsions for several 
more hours with a vocal assortment of blasts and repercussions.
My other Scientology friend, Hildegard Sondestrom, was more 
serious and dedicated than Morton (who was taken, above all 
else, with tim fun and games at the org). She spent all her 
spare time at the org and urged me to go there for auditing. 
Hildegard was also somewhat more explicit than Morton about 
what Scientology was supposed to do, although she didn't convey 
to me how this was accomplisl~ed. She told me of the gains from 
auditing which had changed her life.
"I couldn't communicate before," she exclaimed. "I was cut off, 
locked in, living in a fog until I had auditing and cleaned 
out all the garbage. I used to place all sorts of weird restrictions 
on my own ability to do the things I wanted. We call these considerations. 
Considerations hold up your release on a process. It's such 
a joy to give up your considerations on things; as you near 
your release point they blow awtty! It's a revelation!"
"But Hildie, don't revelations take a little time?"
"Not with the E-meter. This isn't analysis or positive thinking, 
or anything like that. The meter is a scientific precision instrument. 
That's what's made Scientology so much quicker than Dianetics... 
it's Ron Hubbard's breakthrough."
The only breakthrough here, I thought, is in the adding of new 
dimension to the word absurdity. However, I let her go on about 
it.


Robert Kaufman

She and Morton amused me, not alone for their anecdotes about 
an orgful of spaced-out Scientologists breaking each other up 
with their own training rituals, but also because of their own 
relationship (we had all known each other before they joined 
the org). They now played at having a constant slight tiff over 
nothing whatsoever. Within the novel context of their remarks, 
it was impossible for me to tell whether there was real friction 
between them or merely a form of sublimated Scientology love-play. 
Hildegard pretended to chide Morton for not being enthusiastic 
about Scientology for the same reasons she was, and Morton teased 
her for being doctrinaire. Was it possible they were both still 
laboring under what they themselves called considerations about 
each other? Over the next few months I enjoyed observing my 
friends; this new Genus Scientologicus had a slightly mad way 
of relating to one another.
It was fl~rough Hildegard that I eventually met Felicia Lancia, 
a professional auditor. Hildegard took me to her apartment one 
night after stressing that I would be going there on a purely 
social basis. Felicia Lancia was a slender attractive young 
lady with magnetically compelling eyes. She and her husband 
Umberto were musicians, as I was, and we became fast friends. 
As a couple, the Lancias impressed me. Neither of them were 
fanatics. In fact, Umberto wasn't nearly so caught up in Scientology 
as the otl~ers; he was more interested in his composing than 
in training to be an auditor, and was quite capable of ridiculing 
what he called "the preposterous extremes" of Scientology. TIm 
Lancias seemed to be living in harmony with one another in spite 
of their varying degrees of intensity on the subject of Felicia's 
profession.
As Hildegard had promised, no great pressure was put on me to 
join Scientology. Of course, Felicia did not try to hide the 
fact that she would love me to be audited. When I played their 
piano, she disc. erned an inner Scientological meaning to the 
performance and commented on my "flow" and my "aura." Hildegard 
called my attention to the luxuriant growth of the plants scattered 
about the apartment. "Plants need to be validated the same as 
people," she said. "If you communicate with them, give them 
what we call ARC and grant them Beingness, they'll flourish 
for you. I always greet my plants~I compliment them and fondle 
them."
Felicia had me try a drill in which I imitated motions of her 
hands. She also asked me to order Hildegard to walk around the 
room and touch walls and objects. I was to acknowledge her obedience 
in carrying out each command with a "thank you." This quickly 
got monotonous. The young ladies thought I did very well at 
these routines and would make a fine Scientologist someday.
A week or so later, Felicia invited me to the New York Org. 
As

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INSIDE SCIENTOLOGY

soon as I arrived I was taken to Reception, a stunning blonde 
whose job it was to encourage people to sign up for auditing 
and courses. Reception wanted me to start immediately on the 
lower grades, payment in advance. As she fixed her eyes unyieldingly 
on mine, I began to get squeamish and tried to avert my gaze 
from her consuming stare. I told her I wished to hold off for 
a while to consider the matter. On hearing this she launched 
her attack. It was obvious, she said, that I had problems. Scientology 
was the only way to Total Freedom, so wasn't I literally sinning 
against myself to wait?!
I was repelled by her bluntness. Breaking away from her penetrating 
eyes, I found Felicia and took her downstairs for coffee. "I 
never should have brought you here," she said, smiling at me 
sympathetically. "You're much too individualistic for them. 
You mustn't blame Receptionlshe gets extra credit for anyone 
she signs up-but even 1 find it a bit hard to take at times. 
I'll audit you privately at my place. That way you won't have 
to deal with the fanatical element."
I did not accept her offer. As much as I liked Felicia, I failed 
to see how a series of question~ and a machine could make my 
life any better. My friends had never succeeded in enlightening 
me as to exactly what Scientology was, what it was supposed 
to do for me, and, in particular, how it did what it was supposed 
to do. My attitude toward Scientology was that it was simply 
a belief held by a few of my friends. If it helped them, marvelous. 
Though it was touted as a religion at the org, those I knew 
in the movement preferred to regard it as a "mind-expander." 
It was no strain on me to tolerate their fascination with it. 
I had a wide circle of acquaintances, both in and out of the 
music business. In those days, most of us were pursuing our 
own separate roads to the Truth. I read Zen books, some of my 
friends studied yoga, others were beginning to turn to drugs. 
Everybody got along fine as long as no one tried to impose his 
pathway to truth on anotlier. The Lancias did not pester me 
about Scientology, and I began seeing them periodically.
The change Occurred shortly after I returned to New York after 
six months of touring on buses with musical productions, work 
I didn't enjoy. This protracted aggravation made me realize 
how creatively frustrated I'd been for years, working at hack 
jobs and living frugally in furnished rooms, hoping only to 
save up enough money to make a killing on the stock market. 
I was at a crossroads lexhausted, fed up with the music business, 
and open to novel, stimulating projects. Precisely at that time, 
Felicia offered me a special arrangement: I could be audited 
through one grade, going on to the next only if I thought it 
beneficial. At the org I would have had to sign up for all five, 
with the added drawback of being

7


Robert Kaufman

constantly badgered to make a down payment on the training courses. 
Felicia's putting things on an approval basis caught my interest 
immediately. She seemed to lend Scientology the gravity and 
the dignity it had so far lacked. At least there would be a 
choice; I could remain aloof from the rabid element, while satisfying 
my curiosity as to what they were raving about. So I did not 
know what Scientology was actually all about--it might be a 
pleasant game finding out, and a few l~ours of being audited 
by an attractive young lady was not going to make me into one 
of them. The entertainment of answering questions and seeing 
the meter in action would certainly be worth the price of $125 
for the one grade.
What was the real reason for my dabbling with auditing, or processing 
as it is also called? I've spent a good many l~ours trying to 
figure it out. The answer, of course, lies in my life as a whole 
at the time. Since I do not wish to belabor the reader with 
introspection, suffice that I was extremely curious, suggestible, 
and willing to undertake dubious--possibly serf-destructive--schemes 
on a lark; that I possessed an unwarranted sense of social obligation; 
and that I had problems of long standing which I was not attacking 
in direct, practical ways. If anyone had asked me "Why would 
you be willing to join a cult?" I would have contended that 
I wasn't joining anything. I didn't even consider Scientology 
a cult--cults were peopled by the lonely, the alienated, the 
not-so-bright, not by comfortable, intelligent individuals like 
Felicia and her husband. If my questioner was willing to allow 
that perhaps Scientology was not a cult, I might then have given 
my "real" answer: I wanted to find out what auditing did, and 
I wanted to be a good sport. Rather than problems, or self-destructive 
impulses, I thought it the result of a combination of chance 
meetings, fortuitous circumstances, and the gentle suggestions 
of valued friends who believed that I had wanted auditing all 
along.
It was in April 1967, fully two years after I first heard about 
Scientology, that I agreed to let Felicia audit me. This long 
hesitation set me apart, I imagined, from the many whose immersion 
in the group was swift and total.

ú ~
~ ~ ~

: -~


PRECLEAR

I was seated across a table from Felicia. The E-meter, about 
the size of a large cigar box, was propped up on the table at 
a forty-five degree angle, its face turned so that only the 
auditor could see the workings of the needle on the dial. Two 
tin cans, which may have at one time borne Campbell's Soup labels, 
stood near the meter within my reach.
Felicia adjusted several small knobs on the box and said in 
a forceful voice, "Pick up the cans, please. Thank you. Start 
of session." Then, looking directly into my eyes: "This is the 
process.
What are you willing to tell tne about?" "Music," I answered.
"Thank you. What are you willing to tell me about it?" "Anything 
I know."
"Fine. What are you willing to tell me abottt?" "A lot of things."
"Good. What are you willing to tell me about them?" "Whatever 
I can."
"Thank you. What are you willing to tell me about?"
I hesitated. There was something else. I winced in sudden recognition 
of the single thought which had shot into my awareness at the 
question, lighting up my brain like a red flare.

9


Robert Kaufman

"I'11 repeat the auditing question. What are you willing to 
tell me about?"
The meter had detected it. I hesitated.
"The needle is reading on something here. What do you think 
it could be? That--that!" she cried, spotting more reads.
As I sat there clutching the tin cans, I had a sudden desire 
to talk to her, to tell her everything.
"I like to play with a girl's ass."
"Thank you. What are yott willing to tell tne about it?" 'q 
have this eternal obsession to examine girls' asses." "Thank 
you. What are you willing to tell me about it?" "I've always 
had this obsession."
"All right. And what are yott willing to tell me about it?" 
"That's just it... I don't know... I have done it... I mean, 
I've looked inside . . . several times, but I just don't know 
what I'm looking for or why. It all seems silly."
"Fine. If you were to look inside, what are you willing to tell 
me
about it? Just name some of the things you might see." "A hole... 
a rectum... a tunnel." "Thank you. Anything else on that?"
"Marrons glacds . . . an orange juice squeezer . . . a green 
dirigible," I said, getting into the spirit of it.
"Good. Let's take a look at this. Make up a list of all the 
tl~ings you'd see."
Feeling slightly stupid, I let my imagination continue to rove 
freely, adding to the list everything I "saw." Each item was 
duly written down by Felicia in her auditor's report. I gave 
her a panoramic assortment, ranging from "shoes and ships" to 
"sealing wax." At one moment I felt myself on the verge of an 
insight but then reacted with a letdown, a retraction of force 
as if running up against the hidden obstacles, only to be urged 
on by Felicia to keep adding to the list of things I'd see.
When I spoke the word "funnel," I had the feeling of drawing 
nearer to the heart of the mystery. An intriguing impression 
began stealing over me with the enchanting familiarity of a 
long-forgotten pleasure. In a vision I was looking down into 
a vortex. I described it to Felicia and as I did, it shaped 
itself into a cornucopia winding
down the middle of my head, unlocking lost sensations .... "Thank 
you. Go on." "It's getting weaker now."
"All right. Anything more on that?" "It's gone."
As I walked home afterwards, I wondered what had brought about 
the captivating sensations and why Felicia had ended the

10

:~

: ~!i

!~:7~~

!i'


INSIDE SCiENTOLOGY

session the way she had. After two hours, she had smiled and 
said, "Thank you. That's it for now. What gains have you had 
lrom the session?" I was taken aback; I'd hardly had time to 
find out.
Our last exchange had been: "Fine. I'll check the process ques-
tion. What ttre yott willing to tell me about?" "Anytt~ing."
"Thank you. What are you willing to tell me about it?" "Anything 
you want to know."
Something else had happened during the session which I didn't 
km~w about. Looking back on it, I doubt that Felicia knew about 
it either, although the same thing had happened to her with 
her first auditor several years before she came to be auditing 
me. It seems that running concurre~tly with the grades, which 
are supposed to free the preclear of various problems, there 
are a series of hidden gratles, or stages, leading him step 
by step in quite a different direction entirely. I had commenced 
my own orderly route through these hidden grades during this 
first auditing session.

We met again two days later. First she asked, "What gains have 
you had [rom the previotts session?" I told her that none had 
occurreel as yet. She resumed her questioning.
"If yOtt could communicate to a policematt, what would you be 
willing to talk about?"
"Anything he wanted to talk about."
"Fine. 1/you were talking to a policeman about anything he
wttnted to talk about, what would you say exactly?" "Whatever 
wouldn't get me in trouble."
"Thank you. ![ yott could cotntntttticate to a petrent, what 
would yoa be willing to talk etbout? . . . I'll repeat the auditing 
question. !/you cottld comtnutticate to a parent what would 
you be willing to talk about?"
"... my motl~er died a few years ago."
"All right. What are your considerations on commanication?" 
"She... didn't die peacefully."
"All right. 1[ you were talking to her, what wotdtl you be willing 
to talk aboat?"
"I'd tell her I was sorry."
"Thank you. If yoa were talking to her about being sorry, what 
would yoa say exactly?"
"What do you mean?"
Felicia had me put the cans down a moment while she explained 
that I could pretend that my mother was timre and speak to her. 
I gripped the cans again and told my mother that I wished I'd 
been nicer to her when she was alive.

11


Robert Kaufman

At the end of the session, Felicia wanted to know what gains 
I'd made. I couldn't give her a definite answer.

About one hour into the third session, Felicia suddenly sat 
straight up in her chair with the rapt look of a bird dog sniffing 
the air. My responses were coming quicker now, and her eyes 
glowed as though something wonderful were going to happen.
"I'11 check the question. If you could communicate to a judge,
what would you be willing to talk about?" "Anything."
"Fine. H you could communicate to an audience o[ several thou-
sand people, what would you be willing to talk about?" "Anything."
"Good. And if you could comm~nicate to anyone, what would you 
be willing to talk about?"
"Anything. Anything at all."
Thus we reached the first important landmark, which she had 
already sighted during the first session. Felicia spotted whatever 
meter indication she had been waiting for and signalled the 
end of the process: "Thank you! Okay, that's it!" She had me 
put down the cans.
"Congratulations on becoming a Grade O Communications Release," 
she said.
As at the beginning and end of each previous session, when asked 
for gains I was slightly irritated. With the question, it was 
being suggested, in effect, titat I had made gains. Now I was 
being told witat I was--a Release--by an auditor and a machine. 
I had paid cash to become this desirable commodity, but it was 
a state of being I already possessed; I'd always been able to 
communicate readily. The present implication was that I hadn't 
been as communicative as I'd thought. This was difficult to 
understand. It must be necessary to Felicia that I make gains 
and releases whetl~er I wanted them or not; and even though, 
to my knowledge, nothing had happened. For an instant I suspected 
that I was being used for unrevealed purposes, that an attempt 
was being made to program me for some unknown reason. I had 
no gains to report.
I told Felicia I'd let her know within a week if I wanted to 
go on with it. Despite my uneasiness, there were things I liked 
about being audited; there was something to the thing. Although 
it could make me bored, flustered, annoyed, or giddy, it was 
challenging, even fascinating in its own way, and had plucked 
mysterious chords in my psyche. Primarily, though, I think it 
was Felicia; I wanted to measure up to her hopes for me. During 
each session, lter eyes had only left mine when she was catching 
glimpses of the meter and

12


INSIDE SCIENTOLOGY

adjusting its knobs or recording my statements in her report. 
Her k~{~k was bright and alert as if to draw out my responses, 
which she never failed to acknowledge. Her thank yous had a 
sincere ring and were accompanied by a direct gaze and reassuring 
smile, as though she were saying, "There! I received your thought, 
and it's all right that you had it and told it to me." This 
concentrated attentiveness and the remarkable speed with which 
we had plumbed deep inner phenomena led me to suspect that processing 
concerned me, perhaps retire than anything I'd ever done, though 
I still didn't know where it was leading. It seemed that Felicia 
had a great deal of understandi~g, but of a different form than 
I'd ever encountered. There was a hint of sexuality about it----on 
a different plan than ordinary~or was I kidding myself? I did 
know that Felicia was a friend, that she respected me no matter 
how I reacted to an auditing question, and that she wanted something 
from me, something which, after the auditing she'd done, I was 
unwilling to deny her. The following week I paid for and began 
my next series of sessions: Grade 1: Pr~blettzs.

I.	Jmberto Lancia believed that Scientology was beneficial 
but that it should not dominate one's every moment. He welcomed 
our music ~ir6es and our long walks in the park as an escape 
from the constant shop talk of his wife, Felicia, and her circle. 
Hildegard, who infuriated him with her habit of building airy 
structures on what she ~upposed were Hubbard's metaphysical 
ideas, virtually lived in his house when not at the org. Another 
frequent visitor was Maurice Mt~ussorgsky, an old-time Scientologist 
and one of Felicia's first auditors, who was famous for getting 
pcs (preclears) released quickly {m the various processes through 
his own notoriously un{~rtht~dox methods. He was hefty, blue-eyed 
and pockmarked, with trough, almost handsome feattu'es and a 
pompadour. Umberto thought him obnoxious.
The night I met Maurice, Hildegard and I got into an argument 
~x, er how to learn a piece of music. Whenever we talked on 
that subject I found myself resentfully failing into sophomoric 
exchanges with her. I made a personal remark about "the pain 
some people c~me to expect from their practicing." Maurice, 
who had appeared tt~ be in anotller conversation, bellowed at 
me from across the room.
"And what makes you think you know anything about pain or pleasure? 
You'd better be able to have these things yourself before you 
go around talking about them!"
Hildegard and I went over the incident later when I saw her 
home. "Maurice always has a good reason for the things he does, 
and he's helped an awful lot of people," she told me. She couldn't 
explain

13


Robert Kaufman

either the "reason" or the "help;" the encounter with Maurice, 
coming as it did within twenty minutes after we had shaken hands 
for the first time, made me wonder why Hildegard and Felicia 
regarded him so higt~ly.
Another evening Felicia informed me that she was leaving for 
England in a couple of weeks for clearing. Owing to the tremendous 
expense, Umberto would be processed only up to his Grade V Power 
Release. Maurice had already been over for Power, but wasn't 
allowed to say much about it. All grades above IV, including 
clearing (the equivalent of Grade VII) were confidential. One 
had to go to England for them, to the Hill, Saint Hill Manor, 
near the town of East Grinstead, in Sussex, where the Scientology 
organization bad its central headquarters and training school.
Thus was introduced a new element: secrecy. Any prior mystery 
had rested largely in the inability of my friends to impart 
to me how Scientology worked. How did Scientology clearing differ 
from Dianetic clearing? If not done by ridding engrams, then 
by what method? Had Hubbard discovered something previously 
unheard of about the mind?
In any case, it was gratifying to know that one could still 
become a Clear after all; it gave some direction to auditing. 
If clearing proved stable enough to be around for a few more 
years, I might even toy with the idea myself, on a lark. I'd 
always wanted to see England...

You as a theta being, may or may not have seen Greece or Rotne.
L.	RON HUBBARD

"This is the process. Tell me a problem." "Sometimes living 
can be a problem." "Fine. How would you solve it?" "I don't 
know."
"I'11 repeat the auditing question. How would you solve it?" 
"There's probably more than one way." "Fine. What do you consider 
they could be?"
"Be active... be passive... fight it . . . run away from it 
. . . escape it... work like crazy... be a bum .... "
"Good. Just give me all the possible solutions."
"Do things. I could get better jobs, find an apartment, find 
a
steady girl, get married, study something." "Thank you. Any 
other solutions?"
"Exercise, stop smoking, eat right, meditate, read, do all the 
things I've been meaning to do."

14

~l~ i.,~ ,


INSIDE SCIENTOLOGY

"Thank you. Tell me a problem." "Music."
"Thank you. How would you solve it?"
"Practice the piano, give a recital, compose, write a book, 
carry out all my schemes. Something just occurred to me, but 
it doesn't
have anything to do with what we're on. I'm getting a funny 
feelingY "All right. What do you consider this could be?"
"I have a mental picture of Afghanistan. I'm in a tent. Outside
there are green fields, flags, horses." "Fine. When is this?"
"The first thought I get is the tifteenth century...?" "All 
right. Is that the date?" "Yes, I guess it is."
"Thank you. Anything else on that picture?"
"Yes, I was in Afghanistan on a music tour once--this is funny--
I saw similar fields and 11ags last Sunday at a rally in Central 
Park." "Thank you. Anytl~ing else?"
'~... but there's something different about this. I think there 
are tires burning, or torches, clouds of smoke. It's strange. 
I don't really believe it, but it's like I've been there before."
"Thank you. What are your considerations on reality?"
"1 just don't know if this is really happening or if it's a 
dream or fa~tasy. I'm sinking deeper into it. This is making 
me very uneasy...
yes, I think I'm being held captive in the tent." "Thank you. 
Anything else?"
"I want to get out. I'm actually in there imagining I'm outside
~eeing those horses. They're having a race or something." "All 
right. Any considerations on that"
"You know, maybe that's what the problem is: they're keeping 
me inside that tent and I want to get out."
"Thank you. How would you solve it?"
"I can't solve it. I'm stuck in it. I'm helpless, that's what 
it is, I'm a baby a few months old and I can't do anything; 
it's all being done t~ me. I'm not responsible for what's happening."
"I got that! What are your considerations on responsibility?" 
~'The word has unpleasant connotations for me. I associate it 
with guilt, shame, with having to do tl~ings you really don't 
want to do and bciug blamed if you don't."
"All right. Put down the cans a mim~te. Here's a Webster's Dictionary. 
Look' up responsibility. Okay, so what does it mean?"
"I see what you're driving at, but I just don't like the word. 
It rubs me the wrong way."
"I want to make sure you know what the word really means be-

15


Robert Kaufman

cause one of the main goals of processing is to raise one's 
responsibility level: the more willing one is to accept responsibility 
for his past--"
"Was that a past life I described to you?" "You'll have to evaluate 
that for yourself."
"But do you think I was trying to shove all my problems back 
into the fifteenth century?"
"I can't evaluate that for you either. Pick up the cans, please. 
I want to see something on the meter. How do you feel about 
responsibility?"
"Oh Christ, I guess I've always read things into the wordi probably 
something that happened in my childhood."
"All right. And how do you feel about responsibility now?"
"Nothing happened; no one was on my back. I must've just picked 
it up from somewhere."
"Thank you. Anything else on that?"
"It's only a word. I guess I'll get over the associations."
"All right. Now I'll check the question: How would you solve 
it?"
"By being able to solve it." "Thank you. Tell me a problem." 
"Having problems is the problem." "And how would you solve it?" 
"By not having any problems."

"... now I'm visualizing a baby in blue clothes. It's the same 
blue as the cover of my mother's baby snapshot book. There's 
a feeling of identification with him."
"Thank you. Anything else on that?"
"It's as if I'm looking at myself from outside my body." "All 
right. What are your considerations on that?"
"There's a very faint recollection, almost like a dream. I knew 
that our closest relatives had a baby that died shortly before 
I was born, and now I'm so close to it... I feel for that baby... 
I'm mourning for it... you know, I think that baby was me... 
in a past life."
"Thank you. And if this were a problem, how wouM you solve it?" 
"By being responsible for it.
"Got that~ I want to check the question on the meter. Tell me 
a problem."
"There aren't any problems."

The auditing sessions I've depicted here are not verbatim records; 
they are in the nature of a reconstruction. Several l~ours of 
auditing

16

3

:

~;

7 2~


INSIDE SCIENTOLOGY

may be compressed into one sequence. But they do show exactly 
what can and often does happen in a session.
As to the questions themselves, they are structured, of course, 
to make fiie preclear a bit uneasy to begin witlI. He has to 
be; then he can feel relief later. In Scientology terms, his 
reactire mind is purposely restimalated in order to be destimulated(restim 
in order to destim.) A very general type of question is repeated 
several times. At first the preclear does not see a cut-and-dry 
answer. Nonelheless he tries to answer the question to the best 
of Iris ability (although lie will usually try to qualify Iris 
answer). He feels pressured, coerced, trapped in a minor way; 
but his next reaction is a greater desire to answer the repeated 
question, because lie gets a small prize every time lie opens 
his mouth, in the form of an acknowledgment. Finally, lie wants 
to feel that he can answer any question so that he may receive 
as many prizes as he can, and to that end is willing to fabricate 
answers. If lie hesitates in answering (a comm lag), the question 
is automatically repeated again, so lie begins to answer more 
quickly. He is now behaving.
After all, lie does wish to get better. After a while it ceases 
to make any difference to him what lie says. His mind is treated 
as a c{m~puter, and what lie says is a computation registered 
on the E-meter. The invariable acknowledgment and the non-evaluation 
of his responses by the auditor imprint this tcllingly tin his 
mind. lie is never actually told what to believe during processing, 
but it is a surprisingly small step from stating what one may 
never have intended to state to believing in one's own statement. 
To begin with, the preclear wants to believe that what is happening 
is helping him. An auditing session is precisely geared to capitalizing 
on his ticsire.
Felicia had done nothing direct to further any notions of past 
lives or exteriorization. She was adroitly non-evaluative, acknowledging 
what I judged to be either trivial or significant statements 
in identical manner. While this seemingly gave her sanction 
to my mental excursions, still it was not palpably anything 
more than her barest acknowledgment of whatever I said in reply 
to her questions. I had known beforehand, of course, that Scientology 
would sooner or later delve into past lives and exteriorization, 
and perhaps my act of paying for another grade had dictated 
that I test these concepts in session. I could see nothing wrong 
in such ideas. They had been on man's consciousness from the 
beginning of time, they were basic to many religions, and were 
proposed subjects for scientific research; it would be presumptuous 
simply to dismiss them as hog-' wash.


Robert Kaufman

I had allowed myself, however, to make one major error (that 
is, if we discount for the moment the assumption that being 
audited was in itself the error): the error of believing that 
the Scientological technique called auditing had any bearing 
whatsoever on these occult matters. Hubbard had drawn an image 
of the human mind: a Time Track, going back through one's countless 
past lives, which had been marred by traumatic events. He had 
also given us the E-meter. He never explicitly stated wbat the 
machine registered. (Note that Felicia got all her material: 
answers to questions, dreams, fantasies, imagined memories and 
their dates from me.) However, the trappings of auditing made 
it appear that what I said was precisely reflected on the meter, 
thereby prompting the auditor's moves. I had immediately fooled 
myself into confusing tbe natural (or unnatural) peregrinations 
of my psyche with the atmosphere and the effects of auditing. 
I also miscalculated the length of rope left to hang myself 
witb. Once one has submitted to being audited there is precions 
little margin for error. I was too content to let things ride. 
What was bappening was too much for me to think tbrough--and 
really, very little had happened. I could find out later, perhaps 
in the next session, what all this was leading to.
It didn't take me much longer to believe that it was auditing 
which was causing a change to occur in me. I was, for the most 
part, unaware of the duel taking place between Felicia and myself 
as auditor and pc. She was equally unaware that any control 
she gained over my mind during the sessions was ultimately a 
trap. Fancy soon became fact. I was already well into the realm 
of fantasy, and well on the road up the Hidden Levels to Never-Never 
Land.

"This is the process. What have you done?"
"I get a very strong feeling on that. It calls up all the bad 
things
I've ever done."
"I'll repeat the auditing question. What have yott done?"
"I've done a few good tl~ings too, but now I associate the past 
with wrongs I've committed. I hear the question as 'What have 
you done wrong?'"
"Put down the cans a minute. On Grade II we're dealing with 
overts and ~,,ithholds. I want you to look the terms up in this 
Scientology dictionary."
An overt is defined as a harmrid or contra-survival act, and 
a
withhold as an undisclosed contra-survival act. "All right. 
What have you done?"
I told her my overts going back as far as I could remember. 
Many of them were sexual.
"Thank you. What have you done?"

18

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INSIDE SCIENTOLOGY

"I still feel guilty about my mother."
"Thank you. What are your considerations on guilt?" "There's 
no reason for it. I didn't do anything so terrible." "Fine. 
Any other considerations?"
'q never talked to her much, but I'd feel perfectly free to 
tell her
this now, if she were still alive--like you had me do." "Thank 
you. Wtlat I1aven't you said?"
"This is hilarious. I honestly don't think I feel guilty about 
any of the things I've ever done--it would be senseless to. 
None of them were great sins and whatever I did was part of 
tile growing up stage. Is it possible that I committed these 
overts because I felt guilty to begin with? I think we're on 
to something now."
"I got that! I'll check tile question. What havett't you said?" 
During tile next few seconds I thought back to our first session. 
There was something remah~ing I hadn't said, but what? It didn't 
even exist--I was chasing tigments! I knew more now, and was 
quicker than before at recognizing these choices that could 
crop up in session in a flash. But once I got onto what I'd 
been doing for years (Felicia, intently scanning tile meter, 
was smiling), could it be given up that simply? I had often 
tortured myself--but Felicia was already signaling my release.
Hildegard, who was in the kitchen reading, came out and gave 
me a warm congrattdatory hug. This would have amused me before. 
All I had ever done was answer questions and go off on an occasional 
mental ttight. What had been lacking was my active participalion. 
This time I had earned their applause by taking tllings into 
nly own hands--I had had a definite realization, thus coming 
through for Felicia and myself.
Auditing felt completely natural now; in something which concerned 
me so much it would have been a grave error to prematurely reject 
realities which I had not formerly known as part of my world. 
Acknowledgment was so scarce in our society that it had taken 
me a few sessions to get used to it. Felicia's friendly but 
penetrating eyes no longer intimidated me. For a while I had 
averted my own; now I could open up to the warmth and good intentions 
I fottnd in her gaze, and I savored my new ability to look another 
human being in the eye. How evasive I had been all my life, 
my relationships closed and furtive compared to this one! It 
was most unfortunate that Felicia had to leave for England before 
we could complete the last two grades.
I no longer felt pressured or coerced when grilled about gains; 
I tried to shape my words into a gain. This was slightly embarrassing 
at lirst, like learning to talk all over again, but as more 
gains surfaced I would teach myself how to express them better.

19


MAURICE

A week after the Lancias left for England, I began getting phone 
calls from Maurice MoUssorgsky. Felicia had suggested that I 
complete the lower grades with him while she was away, but I 
hadn't thought_ it a good idea. Maurice lived with his pad'eats 
in Queens and made daily forays into Manhattan, carrying his 
E-meter in an attach6 case like a salesman covering his territory 
with a load of samples. He often used the Lancias' to shower, 
shave, change, and eat. He had, however, the reputation of being 
an ace auditor, and I was curious to know why. There would be 
no harm in doing Grades Ill and IV with him as long as he didn't 
get to be a parasite.
Grade III dealt with personal upsets. Unpleasant encounters 
with various people, going back to my infancy, were dated, using 
the E-meter, and run repeatedly, the idea being that release 
from past incidents of this nature would prevent their reoccurrence. 
The personal upset were called ARC breaks.
Maurice was a sketch, with his cool blue eyes, his skin condition, 
and his eccentric shirt-and4ie combinations. He acknowledged 
with a terse "all right" followed by a snide curl of his upper 
lip, which made me wonder whether it was indeed "all right." 
He interrupted

20


INSIDE SCIENTOLOGY

the session frequently with "Okay, put down the cans" to give 
an explanation which I rarely understood. One such explanation 
had to do with "flinching," something a person wifi~ a reactlye 
mind constantly did (apparently I had flinched).
"Say you're sitting at your piano trying to practice, and you 
keep thinkh~g you see an alligator. There it is again . . . 
it's coming up through the itoor! WHO? WHA . . . ? Sometimes 
you wonder what fi~e fuck's going on. If you stop to think about 
it, most people go through their whole life like that."
Maurice veered from the central process so often it seemed as 
timugh he were improvising. During the first session he did 
an S&D (Search and Discovery) process to ferret out the person 
who had suppressed me. I had to name every adult who had ever 
spoken sternly to me when I was a boy. In fi~c middle of the 
second session, he suddenly decided that I needed Dianetic auditing, 
certain aspects of which were new to me as Hubbard had discovered 
them subsequent to his book. Incidents of loss, called secondaries, 
are run as a preliminary to engrams, being lighter and more 
comfortable for the. pc to start with. It is decayed um~eccssary 
to make him relive his every engram; the running of an important 
chain, or sometimes merely one incident, is sullicient to bring 
about Dittoeric Release. Maurice directed me through a secondary 
which occurred at age six when an older boy threw my sled into 
a ravine, and also through two cngrams on a chain, an ear4ancing 
and an operation for pleurisy. He then proclaimed me a Dianetic 
Release and said I owed him $150 for the additional auditing. 
I refused to pay on the grounds that nothing had been mentioned 
beforehand about extra I'ees.
Late in the sessiou, Maurice got mad at me, supposedly for the 
way I responded to one of his questions.
"I'm not going to audit you!" he yelled, and went through the 
motions of packing up his meter and reports. I sensed that he 
wasn't really angry but playing some kind of game; he hesitated 
at the door, briefcase in hand, and started to give me anotl~er 
lecture. I was quite prepared to await Felicia's return in the 
fall, but he softened his tone, got out his meter again, and 
resumed the session as if nothing had happened.
Later on, I learned that these scenes were an ordinary facet 
of Mauricc's auditing technique; he threw similar tantrums with 
most of his pcs, probably to provoke an ARC break for him to 
audit. Grade III was completed without further histrionics, 
by dating and rtmning a few ARC breaks, including the one we 
had just had.
I could easily have refused to do Grftde IV with MauFice, but 
it didn't seem to matter. Auditing, I was beginning to think, 
existed

21


Robert Kaufman

as an entity in itself, apart from the person behind the meter, 
and despite any of his individual characteristics.
The purpose of Grade IV is to unearth the preclear's service/acsimile, 
defined as "a computation generated by the individual to make 
self right and otl~ers wrong, to dominate or escape domination 
and to enhance own survival and injure that of otllers will 
cause the individual to deliberately hold in restimulation selected 
parts of his reactlye mind to explain his failures in life..." 
This neurotic protective mechanism, once discovered, can generally 
be verbalized in the form of a single sentence.
On Grade IV I received my introduction to the listening and 
nulling technique, used to locate tile most higH3' char~,ed 
item on a list. Charge is tension which has accumulated on the 
Time Track (the "film strip recording" of one's past), and is 
so called because of the "electrical nature of thought." Engrams 
and secondaries are the most higl~ly charged incidents, but 
problems, overts, withholds, and ARC breaks contain their share. 
Much of auditing consists of getting off charge. Felicia had 
done this with her lists, although she hadn't chosen to do the 
ntdling necessary to arrive at tile one crttcial item. An auditor 
nulls by reading the pc's list aloud, placing a slash (/) next 
to those items that register on the meter and an X next to the 
ones that do not. Then the list is read again, omitting the 
Xmarked items. On a second reading, many of the items with sla;shes 
cease to affect the needle, and are then X-ed to signify that 
they are now clean (non-reading). On third and fourth repetition, 
more of the remaining items clean and there are more X's, until 
all the items but one null out, and that is the one which Ilas 
the most charge. Merely locating this item is supposed to get 
off enough charge to relieve the preclear on the subject in 
question.
Maurice, again for his own esoteric reasons, had me list "things 
I'd like to do after the session": eat a steak dinner, eat a 
girl's ass, go to the movies were some of the items entered 
on the list. When I couldn't think of any more, Mauric~ read 
them back to me in a mechanical tone. I could see him jotting 
down tim X's and slashes as he moved down the list, hulling 
out certain items and repeating otl~ers with the same metallic 
inflection:
	"eat a steak dinner	/ / X
	eat a girl's ass	/ / /
	go to the movies	/ / /
eat a girl's ass. That was equivocal I'll repeat the item:
	cat a girl's ass	/ / / X
	go to the movies"	/ / / /
I don't remember what the last item was or why Maurice chose

22

~	~


INSIDE SCIENTOLOGY

to null this pal'tictllar list (al'tcr the sosskin xvc clid 
go out and have a steak).
Anotl~er list was made up of "girls that I've liked." It preceded 
chronologically, starting with a baby sitter and continuing 
on tap to current acquaintances~spanning several dozen items 
froan movie queea~s to lictional heroines to high-school sophomores. 
To my surprise the most highly charged item turned out to be 
Betty Grable. The purpose of this list remained a mystery also.
Maurice tinally ,,ot around to the process qtxestion What metlzod
~.,
htt~'e yott itsell tlttriztg yottr li/e to tnake others wrotag? 
After abotlt one hour of listing and hulling on it, we ara'ived 
at my service i'acsimile: the sentence "I was deprived and noticing 
can be done about it." Here were the hidden words which explained 
my behavk~r, words I had worn through life like an unnecessary 
suit of armor. I had used them to justify my weaknesses and 
rationalize my failures, ~tlltl wllcll I linally spoke them, 
they had a nasty familiarity. I was very happy with this disclosure 
and found myself eagerly awaiting the gains I would receive 
from Grade IV.

23


CONSIDERATIONS

ú . . to bring an individual into such thorough commtttzication 
with the physical universe that he can regain the power and 
the ability o[ his own postulates.
L.	RON I1UBBARD

With the service facsimile concept, I found myself encountering 
something new in Scientology, something fl~at formed a bridge 
with my powers of reasoning. At least one branch of modern psychotherapy 
maintains that the neuroses, and many physical illnesses, are 
caused primarily by verbal phrases subconsciously c~nstructed 
during one's early years on the basis of faulty evidence, and 
that the cure consists of exposing and challenging these erroneous 
conclusions. That such a link between psychiatry and ~ientology 
could exist tittilated my intellect. It failed however, to register 
with me that there is a major diffe~'ence: in psychotherapy 
one struggles to attain these realizations, and then one has 
to put in a lot of honest work to make them of practical value 
to oneself. This half-digested morsel was enough to tilt the 
balance and catapult me onto the next Hidden Level. The vast 
surface difference between the audit-

24

	.....	,~~

, ~:

,~.?~: .
,, ~,: ')
7~;~ :

[
;:~;5~ ~


INSIDE SCIENTOLOGY

ing of Maurice and Felicia furtl~er obfuscated any knowledge 
of how a release came about. I was positive that processing 
had merits of its own that held it apart from personalities. 
It didn't matter to me anymore, as long as there was a release. 
I was now convinced that there was'a release as indicated by 
the needle on the dial of the E-meter, and set about finding 
reasons why processing worked.
Considertttiot~s were the crucial factor; these were the erroneous 
preconceptions and self-imposed limitations which had to be 
given up before the meter would signal release on the process 
question. Considerations held the charge. The pc was frequently 
asked what his consideratio~s were; they were not to be relived, 
as with the engrams, much less were they to be analyzed; telling 
them to the auditor was all that was necessary, and, as Hildegard 
had once tried to describe, the meter indicated the blowing 
off of charge as the considerations wafted into thin air. All 
an auditor had to do basically was be able to read an E-meter. 
This was what made processing work, even with a boor such as 
Maurice at the dial.
There were many considerations that had to be gotten off. A 
person grew up with, or inherited, all sorts of fallacious notions, 
the service facsimile being an excellent example. It was possible 
that consiclerations were acquired in past lives also. But the 
considerations which slowed down auditing the most were considerations 
about Scientology itself. Probably everybody had fixed ideas 
about time and money. For awhile I'd been peeved at the brevity 
of the gracles; I had tried to stretch out each session in order 
to get my money's worth. Then there was the consideration that 
accomplishing anytl~ing worthwhile must call for a great deal 
of striving over a long peeiod of time. Such preconceptions, 
I now believed, had kept me from realizing my full potential 
in life. No wonder I had always thought there was something 
vaguely wrong with me!
I had needed the pressure of being audited to make me face the 
choice: whether to be sick or well. The repeated questions stripped 
the foliage from this major issue. At some point I had known 
I wanted to get better, and was then eager to give up the faulty 
ideas I'd been clinging to most of my life. With this change 
in attitude, I could experience gains from being audited. I 
didn't qt~ite know what they were as yet, but I suspected that 
they lay ahead, somewhere in the future.
This was as far as I cared to take it. I wasn't interested in 
further questions: why I had fallen into an almost mystical 
experience in my very first session, or why there had been charge 
that I was never aware of on Betty Grable. A finicky, questing 
nature could easily nip gains in the bud; or, one n~ight express 
it that the extent of

25


Robert Kaufman

one's faith was the measure of one's future gains. It was more 
important to believe. The choice was made with my own consent 
and approval. I had to decide for myself; I had to create my 
own postulates. Postulates were somehow different from considerations: 
considerations were the old, postulates the new, the new was 
good, the old bad: in the end it was a matter of free will.

26

.......... ~,~,~~

:: :CX
~ ~
~ ,.~
:~.
~
:'~


THE NEW YORK ORG

I~ldia a~td "j~h~ Nirvtma" has given us "techniques" WHICH ARE 
GUAR,qNTEEI) TO GLUE A THETAN TO A BODY AS
THOUGH RIVETED AND TIED WITH IRON BANDS.
L.	RON HUBBARD

Maurice arranged for me to go to the org to get my grades verified 
and a certilicate attesting to my Grade IV Release.
The New York Org had recently expanded and now occupied the 
second floor of a midtown hotel. The reception room was a large 
area dominated by a book counter and a huge, godlike portrait 
of L. Ron Hubbard. "God's" face, raised at a visionary angle 
toward the horizon, had a rather bloated and truculent appearance. 
The place was a bit mad, with dozens of young people dashing 
about in the throes of nirvana, telling each other of their 
gains.
A young auditor appeared and escorted me to a cubicle. He began 
to rehab (verify) my grades, checking them with one or two questions 
about each process in order to lead me into re-experiencing 
the moments of release, which he could spot on the meter.
The auditor's machine-tooled graciousness made me uneasy. He 
had only one way of acknowledging: a sugary, unctuous "thank

27


Robert Kaufman

you" delivered in a light nasal voice, each "thank you" a perfect 
replica of the last. Facing him in the cramped auditing cubicle, 
I had difficulty remembering anything about my pre~ious auditing. 
He got sticky action on the meter and kept interrupting tile 
checkout to try various side processes to get off charge. I 
had not wanted to visit the org in tile first place, and the 
meter was probably only indicating tllat fact.
After twenty unpleasant minutes, the auditor led me to a small 
room hardly larger than the cubicle; a sign above the door read 
ETHICS. A girl with pigtails and a businesslike air sat at a 
desk fiddling with an E-meter. "Pick up the cans," slle said 
brusquely; presumably I bad done something wrong.
"Are you connected to a suppressire person?"
"No," I repIied. I had already been run on tllat process by 
Maurice.
"Thank you. I'll check that on the meter. You don't have to 
reply. Are you connected to a suppressive person? That's clean. 
Are you connected to a sttppres~ive group?"
I understood tllis to mean a group WlliCll was interfering with 
my untinctured allegiance to Scientology. I had dabbled in several 
other groups over the years but didn't consider them suppressive.
~'NO,"
"Thank you. I'll check that on tlle meter. Are you connected 
to a suppressive group? There's a read on t]lat. Wllat do you 
consider it could be?"
I didn't know what was causing the read but bad no intention 
of trying to get by Ethics with naive hopes of fooling the meter. 
I scratched my brain to come up witll an answer.
"I was going to a Zen center for meditation." "Tllank you. Is 
this the suppressire group?"
"I do a few yoga postures occasionally, and I'm learning a Chinese 
physical exercise."
"Okay," she said, "you'll have to stop practices as long as 
you're being auctited."
"Wtly should I? I don't do very mucll of tllese things anyway. 
What harm could they possibly do?"
"Look, wtlen you're througll here you can do anything~you can 
stand on your head if you like~but not while you're being processed. 
I don't want you doing anything that'11 confuse you as to wIlat's 
giving you your gains. This meditation is a kind of looking 
into your mind, isn't it?"
"Not at fl~e stage I'm at. Meclitation is just tile name flley 
give it. It's only a form of concentratiorl exercise."

28

~

2~5, ~ ~

~'~
~A ~:


INSIDE SCiENTOLOGY

"Well, you'll have to promise to give these practices up as 
long as you're trader processing."
"Wait a minute, how do you deline practice anyway? You're talking 
about the kind of thing people turn to for solutions or cures, 
aren't you? In that case, I'd have to drop piano--but I'm damned 
if I'm going to do that when I have a concert next month. To 
follow your order I'd have to go over my whole day from morning 
to night, and figure out what is mixing practices and what isn't, 
and I bet I'd come up with qt~ite a few. l'll be glad to discuss 
tiffs with you; we can spend as inuch time as we need to select 
what I can do and what I have to give tip."
"Say, are you going to give them up or aren't you?"
"I'm just trying to be honest with you. I'm not giving up anything 
without a good reason."
"Okay, fi~en we'll just have to chuck it." "GreaC' I said, getting 
tip to leave.
'qt's jtist too bad that you choose to give tip total freedom," 
Ethics said as I went out the door.
Maurice phoned to see how things had gone. When I told him of 
the catastrophe, he asked me to write it up so he could launch 
an investigation of Ethics. I sent him a complete account, concluding, 
"Certain people within the organization itself are abusing Scientology 
and using Scientology to abuse otl~ers." I never heard further 
of my visit to the New York Org.

29


SAINT HILL

Umberto Lancia returned to tim States minus his wife, who was 
still on the Clearing Course. To become a Clear, one audited 
oneself, holding a special tin can in one hand, leaving the 
other free to operate the meter and fill out the auditor's reports. 
Felicia had been doing this for many weeks now, so it was likely 
that she was rum~ing into difficulty going clear. The process 
itself was a closely guarded secret; Felicia had told her husband 
only that it had to do with goals (presumably, what one wanted 
to do in life). The length of time she had been on the process, 
plus the fact that she was auditing herself, rather than being 
rHH by an auditor, led me to think that clearing involved inner 
struggle.
The Lancias stayed at an old manor called Fyfield, near Hubbard 
College, and Umberto rhapsodized on the beauty and peacefulness 
of the place. He had completed his Power Process quickly, and 
while Felicia was at Saint Hill taking VI (the course which 
taught her how to audit herself) or locked in her room wrestling 
with the clearing process, he was free to hang around the manor 
reading, composing, and taking leisurely walks in the surrounding 
Ashdown Forest.
Hubbard College was situated in the midst of radiant English

30

........... "':'~'~'~ :L57 ;::

~ ~i
~5,


INSIDE SCIENTOLOGY

c~untrysidc. A prospectus showed photos of a splendid acreage 
with its own manorhouse, and bungalow-style classrooms. Here 
happy, carefree pcs tripped the road to the state of clear. 
Prices were given for the courses and grades, along with an 
almost imperious request to come to Saint Hill for the "Safe, 
Sure Way to Total Freedom."
The prospectus made an even more intrigt~ing announcement: tilere 
were new tipper levels bcyolld the state of clear. A Clear, 
having been divested of the evil intlucnce of the reactlye mind, 
was like a newborn babe, and further processing was then necessary 
to stabilize him, reorient him, and fill in tile newly-created 
void. These higher states were called the OT (Operating Thetan) 
Levels. There was a .picture of an eight runged ladder with 
a benign looking baby ghost hovering in the air near each rung. 
No hint was made as to what these levels actually consisted 
of; if clearing were utterly fantastic, how could OT be any 
more than that? But this was much too l'ar ahead to think about.
Umberto conjectured that one who became an Operating Thetan 
might tend to look back upon Scientology as merely a tool which 
had helped him to dedicate himself to the full pursuit of his 
higl~est inclinations: art, philosophy, esthetics, or whatever. 
This was possible. Umberto had even met a few people at the 
Hill who coexisted amiably with non-Scientologists, tolerated 
differences of opinion, and thought of themselves as human beings 
first and Scientologists second. Unfortunately, such people 
were in the minority. Most of the Scientologists were culturally 
green, interested only in Hubbard's pronouncements. Many were 
reactionary, almost Fascistic, in their political views. The 
attitude of this breed was that the poor and oppressed of file 
world, the dwellers in mud villages and ghettos, were sutlering 
solely from their own h~adequacies; they were domi~ated by their 
reactive minds and were getting exactly what they deserved. 
Scientologists from South Africa were almost unanimously in 
favor of apartheid.
The frantic obsessiveness of their efforts to spread the gospel 
of Hubbard had made Umberto avoid the Hill once he had attained 
his Power Release. "They jam it down your throat," he said. 
"Theyh'e so insanely zealous about promoting the auditing and 
training at the college that it's kind of sinister. They claim 
Scientology works on everyone, without exception, to the extent 
that nothing else in the world is any good. If you don't go 
along with this you're declared supl~ressive. They've managed 
to alienate themselves thorougl~ly from the neighboring town 
of East Grinstead by declaring several book-dealers who wouldn't 
sell Hubbard's writings. If you do show the slightest interest 
in Scientology they won't let you go, they

31


Robert Kaufman

bombard you--well, you've been to the New York org--they're 
like a bunch of sucking leeches."
Umberto was irritated about another thing. His Grade V Power 
Release, which had cost him $1,200, had taken only twenty minutes 
to complete, after which he'd spent a good part of that evening 
vomiting on the terrace at Fyfield Manor, Sussex, England.

32

!i
~ ~ i~ i
!~) ,' ~,~

ú c~,~;~


THE OT II

A preclear is in better condition and will audit better exteriorized 
than "ill his head."
L.	RON HUBBARD

Umberto's description of Saint Hill and the Scientologists came 
as no great surprise. On both my visits to the New York City 
Org I'd had premonitions that I was about to be trapped inside 
a compli'cated piece of machinery manned by people who were 
scarcely human. The vastly disparate elements within the group 
puzzled me. There were those I liked wholeheartedly, those I 
disliked with equal zest, and those who caused mixed emotion. 
The intentions of the org were certainly not those of Felicia, 
or even those of Maurice who, while he was not exactly an endearing 
person, had given me enough moral support after my run-in with 
the Ethics girl to prove that he was on my side. But it was 
sometimes ditlicult to distinguish ~me faction from another, 
to discern a general picture.
I was able to rationalize the confusion, or at least let the 
matter hang until I could talk to Felicia. After all, the fanaticism 
within the movement had not dissuaded her from staying on at 
the Hill

33


Robert Kaufman

to finish clearing, and any reservations on my part might be 
construed simply as considerations.
Umberto received a telegram from Felicia: "CLEAR!!!" A follow-up 
letter informed him that she would be staying on in Europe a 
few more weeks to relax after her struggle. Umberto was uneasy 
and reticent; she hadn't had tim money for a vacation.
When Felicia returned, I was immediately invited over to have 
my first look at the new Clear. She did seem different, even 
more knowing than before, the privileged holder of a beautiful 
secret which she wanted us all to share eventually.
Felicia had brought with her from England Gerald Tiber, an OT 
II Class VII auditor. An OT II [Operating Thetan II] was the 
second level above clear, and a Class VII was the most knowledgeable 
and experienced type of auditor; to qualify for the latter title 
Gerald had done two years of internship at Saint Hill. He proudly 
described himself as "the only OT II Class VII outside England."
There was nothing unusual about Gerald Tiber's appearance save 
that he was on the rotund side, with eyes so frequently closed 
in mirth that permanent crinkles had been formed at the sides 
which made him look, from certain angles, like an ecstatic suckling 
infant. He tended toward a quaintly repetitive style of speech 
and a pedantic courtesy which fell just short of starchiness. 
I found this put-on of archaic formality charming and flattering; 
he seemed to treat everyone in the room as fellow conspirators 
in his friendly banter. As he related anecdotes about the trip 
over, I noticed how cool he was, how above petty upsets. Even 
a run-in at Customs hadn't bothered him.
Gerald had come to America to open his own Scientology franchise, 
with Felicia as his partner. This confirmed his elite status 
in the world of Scientology, if not as a Scientologist, then 
as an inindividualist. Anyone who attained Power Release, took 
a qualifying course, and got written permission from the Hill, 
could have his own auditing set-up, provided he adhered to correct 
auditing aud administrative procedures and sent Hubbard ten 
percent of his franchise gross. Few did this, however; only 
the more enterprising chose to add financial gains to their 
other gains from Scientology. The rest were content to earn 
their living outside the group, or work at an org for low wages. 
Without actually saying so, Gerald Tiber managed to impart the 
idea that the org members were poor businesspeople with slightly 
masochistic tendencies.
While looking for a suitable apartment for the franchise, Gerald 
was going to sleep on the Lancias' living room sofa. This arrangen~ent 
struck me as peculiar but I was reluctant to question the be-

34

	....	~ ~	~ ~
	~

~ ~:~

~: ~ .

2: ~


INSIDE SCIENTOLOGY

havior of Clears and OTs. I was enorn~ously impressed by Gerald; 
the,'c was a worltl of confidence behincl that hail-fellow manner 
and rich, meaty laugh. Here he was, starting a new business 
in a str:mge country as casually as if he had just droppeel 
in with his overnight bag, and with all tile assurance of tile 
man in the white apron tossing dough in tile pizza parlor.
I stopped by the next day while Umberto was out, and Felicia 
1old me that tile marriage was breaking up. I let her know that 
I wasn't at all surprised. I'cl had my attitude already prepared: 
Since she was clear, no longer the possessor of a reactive mind, 
she was now practic~lly infallible, free to reconsi'der her 
life in a way that was impossible before and strong enough to 
do what she really wanted.
When 1 spoke to Umberto he was in complete accord with the separation; 
it had been inevitable, he said. Their relationship was still 
friendly, friendlier, if anything, and just in case tilere was 
bidden rancor left over from five stormy years of marriage, 
Gerald Tiber had arranged to give him, at no cost, an extra 
helping review session to remove any residual charge from his 
Time Track.
I too wanted a review session. It would be a rewarding experience 
being audited by an OT II Class VII, and there was residual 
charge from Maurice's questionable methods. Gerald agreed to 
give me review at $25 an hour.
He was incleecl a remarkable auditor: smooth, leaving nothing 
dangling. Ills acknowledgments were varied and sounded as natural 
and genuinely courteous as they clid out-of-session. He stayed 
on each point.exactly long enough to satisfy me. Felicia's auditing 
had been unprofessional by comparison.
First we took up Maurice, who proved in anotl~er Search at~d 
Discovery process to be suppressire to me. After my Grade 1V 
Release he had inveigled me into two impromptu meetings over 
an E-meter. These coffee hotme sessions depart radically from 
standard procedures, and a,'e strictly forbidden by Hubbard, 
1 learned afterwards from Umberto.
The tirst session had been suggested as an antidote to charge 
lrom my concert, most of which was caused by a condescending 
review in the paper the next day. That same day I'd also found 
out that Maurice was going around telling people I owed any 
success from the concert to him and "tile group he represented." 
I challenged him on this; the resulting argument produced more 
charge for Maurice to get off in still another session. At least 
he had enough sense not to try to bill me for it. All tiffs 
I told to Gerald. The S&D (Search and Discovery) unearthed another 
suppres-

35


Robert Kaufman

sire, a doctor, possibly the one who had presided at my birth. 
In tlm incident I saw contrasts of light and dark. Then I recalled 
a time when I was "out of my body." I had floated into a room 
and was hovering over a sofa:
"He's screwing her," I said.
"Fine," said Gerald. "Go through the incident."
"That's all there is to it. I see a man and a woman screwing 
on the sofa."
"All right. Anything more on that7"
"I don't know who they are, but I'm being suppressed in the 
incident."
"Thank you. I'd like to indicate to you that the meter has validated 
your statement: you ARE being suppressed in the incident."
Gerald rehabbed my grades; he began with the Dianetic auditing 
Maurice had given me and proceeded through Grades 0, I, II, 
III, and IV.
"I'd like to validate the fact that I wtts deprived ttnd nothing 
cttn be done about it is your service facsimile," he concluded. 
"All right, sir, you have a beautiful clean needle. That's it."
We had been at it for four I~ours. Once again, it didn't seem 
to matter much whether I had really been out of my body or whetl~er 
such incidents convincingly explained recurrent dreams of disembodied 
wanderings. By now I was completely into the routine and was 
willing to forego questions in favor of swift progress through 
a session. When Gerald asked, "What gains, Your Honor?" I could 
honestly say that I felt lighter and freer.

36


THE DIANETICS CLASS

Felicia and Gerald rented a penthouse apartment on the West 
Side, and immediately set up a course in Dianetics, with Umberto, 
two ladies, and myself as their first pupils. Dianefics' place 
in the Scientology hierarchy was ambiguous at this time, but 
it was being used for training purposes. We were to convene 
two or three tinms a week for a couple of Ilours in the evening, 
and the course was to last several months rather than the few 
weeks of intensive study customary at the org. Gerald stresseel 
the casual atmosphere at the franchise as contrasted with the 
hyperactivity at the org. We were informed that graduation of 
the Dianetics Course was a prerequisite for a trip to Saint 
Hill, England. The course cost $500. Gerald and Felicia assumed 
that each student would be going to England upon completion. 
It seemed the thing for me to sign up, although I had made no 
conscious decision to "go clear."
Before I would pay for the course, however, I thought I must 
tell Gerald that the good effects of the review had worn off. 
His atlditing skill had/lot prevented my irritation at having 
to spend an' additional $100 to correct Maurice's malpractice.
"You got a very good deal, Your Honor," Gerald said. "At Saint 
Hill tile S&D alone would're cost you that. Let's straighten 
this out

37


Robert Kaufman

right now. We can go into the next room and have anotl~er review." 
"Are you kidding?" I said. "We've already done four hours."
"It's obviously not finished yet. You don't feel right about 
it. What do you want me to say?"
Within three minutes I was seated at the auditing table, gripping 
the tin cans.
"There's something bothering me," I said. "I still have this 
obsession about asses."
"Thank you. What are your considerations on asses?"
"Everytime I see a woman, the first thing, the very first thing, 
I gape at her ass."
"All right. We're going to run a process on what ass means to 
you
now. Wttat does ass tnean to you now?" "A wornall."
"Thank you. W/tat &es ass roeaft to yOH flOW?" "Irritation."
"Thank you. What does ass mean to yott now?"
"Money, irritation over money." Again I was making up a list.
The question was repeated for the better part of a half4~our 
. . . ~"Good. And what does ttss mean to you now?"
"I'm thinking of fl~is guy I knew, from South Carolina. He always 
used to say, 'Ah saw this gal today--man, you sho woulda dug 
that l'il ayee-uss.'"
"Thank you. Repeat that phrase." "Man, you woulda dug that ayee-uss." 
"Fine. Again."
"Man, you woulda dug that ayee-uss." "Fine. And again."
"'You real& woulda dug that qee-uss.'"
"Good. 'And what does ass mean to you now?'"...
"... I took a prostitute home last night. This morning I felt 
guilty for the first time in months."
"Thank you. What are your considerations on that?"
"You know, I feel guilty not because I picked her up but because 
I didn't enjoy myself. She never appealed to me in tim first 
place, but I couldn't find the one I was looking for. Just being 
aware of this brings me great relief."
Only fifteen minutes of our fourth hour had elapsed, anti Gerald 
threw in The Money Process, which "got off one's considerations 
on money." Some Scientologists claimed., according to Gerald, 
that after having been run on it, money seemed to roll into 
their pockets. The question was, How wouM you waste money? I 
gave many answers and arrived at anotl~er cognition: one didn't 
waste money;

38

~
~ ~

~
~


INSIDE SCIENTOI~OGY

thcrc w~ts m~ Skiell thing as wasting money. One could ot~ly 
waste ~~ncscll'. and that chiclly regretting things.
Gerald indicatecl that I had a floating needle, the E-meter's 
indication of release, and thanked me for my cognition. The 
review was over. It had been packed with cognitions. 1 felt, 
with a sense of well-being, that my $200 had been spent wisely. 
Gerald always left me feeling tremendot~sly on top of tl~ings.

The Dianetics class was indeed conducted casually. The students 
were nudged along in leisurely fashion. We could arrive late, 
leave early, or not even show up half the tithe.
Our first assignment was to listen to twelve lecture-tapes on 
Dianetics and Scientology. This took several weeks, owing to 
our infrequent tncctings. On a typical evening, Gerald would 
set an hour and a half tape on the machine, go into one of the 
bedrooms to audit a pc (Felicia was usually auditing in the 
other) and return later to deliver his own lecture--a special 
bonus of the course. The acoustics of the living room were abysmal, 
so that at times the words of the taped lecture were indistinguishable. 
The voice that came out of the speaker was friendly, folksy, 
and confiding, with a punch to it like a freshly opened can 
of coffee. It belonged to L. Ron Hubbard, who the Scientologists 
called simply Ron.

The capabilities t~f the thetit being cannot at tiffs time be 
set down in a frill sweep t~f data . . . it would be tt~tfair 
to tomorrow to detail them in writing ...

L.	RON HUBBARD

The them being, or thetan, is designated by the Greek letter 
theta (o). It is pure spirit and has no mass, energy, time, 
location, or wttvelength, except as it postulates them. Thus 
the thetan is not a thing but a creator of things, a static 
which cre~ltes by means of its own postulates the physical universe 
of Matter, Energy, Space, and Time: MEST.
The thetan can be inside and outside a MEST body at the same 
time (its ideal location is near a body and in control of it). 
A thetan does not dic. A thetan is telepathic, can move objccts 
without touching them with MEST, and is unbountled by MEST limitations. 
Theta beings are sociable, have a high sense of justice, and 
are interested primarily in esthetics.
You are a thetan. You are not your mind, or yore' body, or your 
nanlc. Yotl are You. In your original state you had total awareness 
of yourself as an immortal spiritual being. You possessed the 
ability to create your own universe, your own world, and your 
own body.

39


Robert Kaufman

ú . . [or by iust that much could he be predicted and brought 
again into a low ,vtttte.
L.	RON HUBBARD

The trouble with a thetan is that he can deteriorate. From his 
static state he begins to create MEST~all the things he isn't~perhaps 
as a game, perhaps out of plain boredom. Fine~ Then what socks 
him downscale till he falls out the bottom? Why, he forgets 
he ever created~ He absolves himself of any responsibility (and 
there are plenty of other beings in the universe to help him 
along in ~his), and by so doing he becomes tim Effect of things 
rathar than their Cause. Having forgotten his spiritual identity, 
the thetan can be trapped, hypnotized to a state of total tinconsciousness, 
and enslaved.
A thetan being can be reettucated to be ~t Catt.ve once more. 
We now have the only workable technology whicb can restore you 
to your former high estate. This technology is called Scien/ology 
processing. Scientology processing is so swift and so thorough 
that you can climb the grades to the upper levels in a few hours. 
Then you will be capaHe of changing your present MEST body, 
its weight, its appearance, even its height (but that would 
not be the central purpose of Scientology).
Scientology is the study of Knowingness in the Fullest Sense 
of the Word. Scientology is not a healing art like Dianetics. 
Whereas Dianetics can handle only the booty and the mind, Scientology 
hantlles the spirit. Dianetics healed the sick and cured the 
insane. Scientology frees souls.
Scientology is also a religion, with churches all over the planet. 
It draws from many sources, heing a compendium of Eastern and 
Western wisdom. There has been a noticeable lack of wisdom as 
subject matter in the West. When you stop to reflect that there 
are fifty thousand or so Oriental books on wisdom which haven't 
even been translated into English, you can see why we are not 
famous for wisdom. Is it wise to have thousands of different 
subjects when all we need is the one? Anti one goes to a different 
specialist for each different ailment~so unneccssary~ The "scientists," 
the so-called Great Authorities, have done nothing to change 
the deplorable state of the world. On the contrary. They are 
bent only on keeping timtans hypnotized. They have various mothotis 
for this, but in particular are obsessed with the use of electricity 
to make thetans tractable. In such manner do they dramatize 
what they themselves cannot confront on their own time tracks. 
They now keep the people of earth in a hypnoid state. The doctors 
can go right on as they have through the centuries, hacking, 
poking, sawing the brain, discharging electricity into the insane, 
pumping the sick full of drugs. It is only ignorance, but this 
ignorance has led mankind into a race between destruction and 
survival. You have a choice: Scientology or the hydrogen bomb. 
I am giving you the tools to better yourselves-and all of mankind, 
to win the race. For Gocl's sake, get busy and build a better 
world~

Margo Zumbrich, one of the students, was often in anotl~er room 
having review during the running of the tapes. Gerald had recently 
audited her to Grade IV Release, but her new awareness proved 
to

40

.... ~,~r,~ ~:~,-,:~-~

~a~;x,

~r.

~{


INSIDE SCIENTOLOGY

be painful to her. She could see for the first time her past 
and her present, mid the people in her life, especially her 
family, in all their morbid, negative aspects. The numerous 
sessions with Gerald gave her only temporary relief. Gerald 
confided to me that lie was exasperated with her. He had had 
misgivings about auditing her in the first place; she had received 
shock treatment following her horrible experiences in Europe 
during World War II, and such cases were usually classified 
"not to be audited."
Umberto Lancia was just as likely to be in session; lie was 
also going througli a rough period, mid rarely joined the class. 
Gerald told me that he had been giving him review at no cost 
to pull him out of his slump, but every time a session proved 
helpful he would fail to come to the next. It was almost as 
if Umberto were willfully clinging to a state of apathy.
Empress Green, a tall, amply built woman with ~ magnificent 
profusion of teased hair, was the only student oilier than myself 
who showed up consistently for class. Sometimes we made flippant 
remarks a,ld got into snickering bouts while listening to the 
tapes. There was some aggravation behind our jesting; it was 
slightly infuriating having our lieads constantly bombarded 
with words we couldn't hear properly. We had to assert our individuality 
to keep from being tossed like flotsam about the dimly lit room 
by that pounding voice. Empress and I sat side by side on the 
sofa, straining to hear Ron's message. If the lecture was especially 
mullled, we would doze off together. Once we were awakened by 
Gerald coming in to give his lecture.
Gerald was always bouncy and exuberant, whetller he was lecturing 
to two people or twenty. Though l~e was generally coatless and 
tieless at the beginning of class, by the time the tape had 
played out he would have put on tile tie and blue suit which 
Felicia lovingly called his "lecture clothes."
"You're looking well, Your Most Royal Majesties," lie would 
begin, smiling at each member of his audience. His voice carried 
well, and he paced about the living room as he spoke. If lie 
didn't receive the proper attention, he would stop in his tracks, 
and eyes and mouth drawn back in slits of mirth, address the 
recalcitrant: "Are you with me?" Gerald's lectures were lively 
and entertaining. He had a graphic way of describing the reactive 
mind or "the soobconscious," as he pronounced it. I asked him 
to repeat it on several occasions much as a child might beg 
to hear a Mother Goose rhyme. He likened it to a tiger which 
was systematically destroyed by Scientology processing. On the 
Dianetic levels the tiger was imprisoned in a cage, where it 
could be observed from a safe distance. On Grade 0 we might 
draw closer and rip off its left front claws, on Grade I,

41


Robert Kaufman

the right front; the grades through IV disposed of the hind 
claws, and Grade V and VI left the animal toothless and tailless. 
Now we were ready for clearing, the total obliteration of the 
tiger. I was particularly enthralled when Gerald, to conclude 
fi~is demonstration, jumped violently about the room, his paunch 
joggling, hacking away at the helpless beast with an imaginary 
machete.
One of Gerald's talks which I found most edifying was on a reactive 
mind mechanism called the missed-withhold.
"A withhold comes after an overt," he explah~ed, "and it is 
an -attempt to cover it up. Naturally, when you've committed 
an overt,
you do everything to avoid mentioning it to anyone. That's a 
withhold. Now, a missed-withhold occurs when you think someone 
may have found out about your withhold, or, really, your overt. 
They've done something that makes you think they're on to you--but 
you're not sure--and you go crazy wondering whether they actually 
know or nod For example, you come home late at night--you've 
cheated on your wife. You're coming in through the kitchen door, 
and the dog looks at you kind of ftmny--he's wagging his tail, 
but he's looking at you kind of funny--and you kick the dog. 
That's a missedwithhold. There's a lot of trouble caused by 
them.
"And I'm going to tell you one of the innermost secrets of existence, 
Your Assembled Highnesses," he winked. "ff you fully digest 
this, you'll understand human behaviour. ff anyone ever criticizes 
you a little too harshly for some unknown reason, there's only 
one way you should interpret this: He dM something to you. He's 
committed an overt on you, a specific overt. Maybe he's really 
not to blame, but he thinks he is--he has a withhold on you, 
and a missedwithhold at that--because he's not sure whether 
you know or not. That's why he attacks you. Don't let it get 
away. Make him sit down
and face you, and say to him, 'What did you do to me7'" "Just 
like that?" asked Empress.
"Just like that. You know, don't let him off the hook: 'Now 
come on, be honest, tell me what you did to me,' looking him 
dead in the eye. Don't stop until he gives it to you. TIm he'll 
feel better, and you'll be friends again. He'll probably thank 
you the rest of his life for what you did for him."
"How true," I thought, "how profound! This just about explains 
everything."
Between classes I applied this principle in my daily thinking, 
and felt that it enabled me to observe much of what went on 
around me. Unfortunately, no one happened to want to criticize 
me that week, and I didn't get a chance to use it to the utmost. 
I planned on forcing a confrontation with a girl who had been 
cold to me ever since a quarrel we'd had several years before. 
If I could get a date

42

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: '~
-	~ ~-~,:~

, .~


INSIDE SCIENTOLOGY

with her and take her to a coffee-shop, I could lix nly eyes 
on hers from across the booth and say, "All right, what did 
you do to me a few years ago.'?" However, she wouldn't make 
a date, and I never found out if Gerald's mefilod worked in 
every case.
Anotl~er evening, Gerald spoke of more abstract matters: tile 
thetan as a static, At Cause over MEST. I tried to visualize 
myself as a static, creating Matter, Energy, Space, and Time. 
These concepts were not easy to understand, and I wasn't at 
all certain that they fused with nly own vague mystical leanings. 
It would be nice to reconcile these differences, even though 
by this time I couldn't clearly remember what I had once supposed.
"Gerald," I said. striving to believe in him, even as something 
within me resisted, "you mean you're not describing a cosmic 
consciouslless which includes everything in it as part of some 
gelatinous totality?"
"Tllat's precisely what I mean, Your Honor... not part of some 
gelatinous totality."
Gerald was prone to use maudlin sentiments (which had always 
appalled Umberto) to describe the high-minded filoughts of an 
upper level Scientok~gist.
"Always remember filat you are really very beautiful beings 
indced--aud you are beautiful. And always look for this beauty 
in others. People are basically good and be,'~utiful: be willing 
to Grant Them Beingsless... cultivate tile roses and not tile 
thorzls... and you will walk out of the black night of angt, 
ish into the green meadows and the blue skies of serenity .... 
"
Every Stmday night Gerald gave a free introductory lecture to 
draw people to tile francllise. Tilere would be rcl'reshmet~ts, 
and question-and-answer periods which invari~bly turzled into 
informal disct~ssions. I brought as many of my non-Scientologist 
friends as I could. In these dissemination lectures, Gerald 
always began with "Scientology's foundations in Eastern Thought," 
then led intc his standard speech on the gains one could expect 
from auditing.
"Our final aim is the total erasure of this thing called tile 
reactive mind. In other words, we get rid of your soobconscious. 
There are five important steps towards that eud: tile Lower 
Grades Releases, which you can have right here at our place. 
First you become a Communications Release. You can talk to anyone 
about anything at any time you so wish. Next, you become a Problem 
Release, and you can look at a problem and see it for what it 
is: two contradictory statenlents, one of which contai~ls a 
lie. Then you can detect that lie, and this usually eliminates 
the problem. Release on ovcrts frees you from past guilt, and 
the next grade, ARC breaks, clea,ls up all the personal upsets 
you've ever had. Grade IV, which lays bare your service

43


Robert Kaufman

facsmile, is called an Abilities Release, because you're so 
much freer from this thing we call the reactive mind that you 
can develop your talents to their fullest. It's no coincidence 
that many of our preclcars are in the arts. Processing can do 
a lot for you; you'll be able to look back and see why things 
didn't always go right. And if you should wish to sign up for 
the Dianetics Cotu'se, you'll get to understand your mind; and 
you'll know how to deal with this thing we call the reactive 
mind in otl~ers..."
The guests were then shown a large chart, the Classilication, 
Gradation and ,4wareness Chart of Levels and Certificates. essentially 
an expanded version of Gerald's lecture about the grades. This 
document, roughly divided into two halves, "Scientology Training" 
and "Scientology Processing," was a honeycomb of columns, boxes, 
lines, Scientology terms many of them acronyms--and arrows pointing 
upward, which to the uninitiated must have resembled a computer 
program written in one of the new symbolic languages. It seemed 
a rather inefficient way of persuading people to join the movement, 
except that the complicated rigmarole might appeal to
some.
Gerald repeatedly asked me to bring more visitors to these lectures, 
and he also wanted a list of my friend's telephone numbers. 
This was annoying. I didn't think that he made a good impression 
on everyone, as his knowledge of history was questionable, he 
mispronounced Oriental words, and he used an exorbitant amount 
of repetition to make his points, as though he were tutoring 
cretins or robots. After a few Sunday nights, I knew in advance 
what he was going to say and I stopped attending.
The added lectures had their effect, however. I'd never paid 
much attention to the specific meaning of the individual grades, 
except for IV. After hearing about them repeatedly, I began 
to feel that I really was a Communications Release, a Problems 
Release, and the rest. It got so that I reveled in Gerald's 
speech. He was recounting my gains; it was me he was describing, 
a Grade IV Release. I thought back to my recital of a few months 
before: the incentive to rent Town Hall, practice all summer, 
and make my debut as I had intended for years; the ability to 
communicate with a sizable audience. It was plain now that my 
recital had been the restfit of processing after all. I did 
owe it to Scientology, even though I'd resented Maurice for 
telling people that. I was glad I had taken the course and gone 
to the added lectures. It wasn't until Gerald had given me a 
complete list of my gains that they became a reality to me.

44

.!

I~

,;


THE BULLETINS

Scientology knowledge is called an R-Factor (R for Reality), 
and giving a proclear an cxplan~tion for a term or process is 
known as putting in an R-factor. A pc makes much greater gains 
if he has a good R-factor. Scientology training is the most 
efficient R-factor of all.

When most of the tapes had been played we were given a pack 
of bulletins to study at home and a checksheet on which to mark 
off the tapes we had heard, the books and bulletins as we read 
them, and later, the practical drills. As the high point of 
tim course, we would have the actual experience of auditing 
pcs through the Dianetic Levels. There were roughly thirty bulletins 
in tim Dianetic pack, printed in red or green, except for two 
not written by Hubbard, which were printed in blue. The bulletins 
ran in length from a single paragraph to three or four sheets 
stapled together. Each bulletin bore a title, a code of instructions 
as to where it should be distributed, and a date in the range 
of 1962-67. The format of the pack, with its mimeos and staples, 
made it look as though Hubbard had originally dashed off dozens 
of bulletins over the years on sheer impulse, and then slapped 
these particular ones together disorganizeoily when he found 
it necessary to make up the

45


Robert Kaufman

course. Bulletins deemed most important were starred on the 
checksheet, and students were examined on them by an instructor. 
There was also a list of 174 abbreviations; even special Scientology 
terms, of which there were apparently hundreds, were often streamlined 
to their initial letters.
I skimmed most of the bulletins hastily. Only the star-rated 
ones had to be memorized. The bulletin on "Healing, Insairily, 
and Troublesome Sources" hints that Scientology's position on 
these matters might be tenuous from a legal standpoint. It stressed 
that healing refers only to "the relief of difficulties arising 
from mental and spiritual causes." A preclear who is seeking 
physical relief should be directed to have an examination by 
a medical doctor. If his disability does not prove to be physical, 
or predictably curable by the established healing professions, 
then it should be assumed that the trouble is "mental or spiritual 
in origin," and he may be processed. This gives the auditor 
lots of leeway, since many illnesses cannot be conclusively 
diagnosed as "physical," while otl~ers, cancer included, have 
no known cure.
A similar clause provides for pcs with a record of proven insanity; 
a person who has no history of deserved institutionali~ation 
is considered fit [or processing.
There follows a list of types considered unfit [or processring 
called PTS (Potential Trouble Source):

Those close to or under the influence of someone opposed to 
Scien-
tology (sttppressive); Those who have ever threatened to sue 
or embarrass Scientology; Those who are curious~just want to 
see if Scientology works:
Those collecting information for a magazine or newspaper article 
on
Scientology; Those who wish to judge Scientology; Persons with 
a criminal record.

I smiled at the "curious" part; I'd had PTS tendencies and nobody 
noticed it.
Another bulletin gives the characteristics of the suppressive 
(SP), also known as the Anti-Scientologist or Anti-social personality. 
The SP:

Uses frequent generalities, such as "they say";
Trafficks in bad newsyart SP changes any news il~al he passes 
on to
make it appear worse than it actually is; Does not believe that 
anyone in this world can he helped or get any
better; Habitually attacks wrong targets. If his car breaks 
down he beats his
wife;

46

~, ,~ -~:~,~ ~-~;

i~
~?,

' ,c; )7~


INSIDE SCIENTOLOGY

Does not respond to auditing;
Is deathly afraid of other people;
Can appear to be perfectly normal and respectable but causes 
everyone in his vicinity to become sick. ineffectual, or deranged. 
A preclear who is connected to an SP roller-coetsters in processing: 
he does not keep his aucliting gains and is thus PTS. It is 
up to the auditor to find out who is dragging him down. at home, 
on his job. or from thonsands of miles away. This is done in 
session in an S&D (Search at~d Disco,,ery). When the SP is detected. 
the PC writes him a disconnect fetter. Fortunately. :t mere 
twenty percent of the population are SPs, of which only two 
anti a half percent are truly dangerotis.

I didn't take these bulletins too seriously. Gerald and Maurice 
had given me S&Ds, but hadn't asked me to write disconnect letters. 
Although the healing and insanity policies probably had to be 
followed as stated at orgs and franchises to be on the safe 
side, it was obvious that everyone was there to heal sotnethh~g--and 
what was wrong with that? If anytl~ing, I tended to sympathize 
with practices which skirted or opposed the medical and psychiatric 
professions. If Scientology worked, so much the better. And 
if Scientology were n~oraily at fault, what about the doctors, 
with their tranquilizers, unnecessary operations, and patients 
rotting away in mental institutions for no definitive reason?
As for Trottblesorne Sources and suppt'essives, Hubbard's style 
of writing, which was sometimes trenchant but more often dull, 
didactic, and overly repetitious, became rather paranoid when 
he took up the subject of "the enemies of Scientology." I knew 
that the org members took the bulletin literally, but this didn't 
mean that I had to. Ron was still having Iris kicks writing 
space opera, as he had back in the '40s. I didn't think I knew 
any SPs at all. Felicia and Gerald didn't take it seriously 
either. They were pragmatic in their approach, saving most of 
their instruction for the meat of the course: what one needed 
to know to audit pcs on the Dianetic Levels, material towards 
which we were working. They gave me a disjointed checkout on 
the SP and the PTS in the dining room, after which I promptly 
forgot everything I had learned.
The most dillicult bulletin to mem~rize was about the tone scale, 
a chart showing variot~s states of being, or emotions, in Seqt|cnce, 
from negative to positive. Among the listings are Apathy, Covert 
Hostility, Grief, Fear, Antagonism, Boredom, Enthusiasm, and 
Exhilaration. Each state is assigned a number, lhe lowest being 
0-Ph3,sical Death, the highest 20--Serenity of BeD~gness. One 
of the goals of processing is, of course, to raise the preclear's 
tone level.
Several states below 0, such as Hieling and Needing Botlies, 
are designated by mint~s numbers. I asked Gerald to explain 
this, and he chose the Tone Scale as his next lecture topic.

47


Robert Kaufman

"The scale above 0 represents the gamut of human conditions, 
and one can go the whole range in a matter of seconds, but never 
skipping any of the numbers. For instance, one can rise from 
Apathy to Enthusiasm so swiftly he isn't aware of the intermediary 
states~ there are hundreds not even on the chart. The scale 
below 0 brings in the spiritual condition of the thetan, which 
has much greater range.
Death of the physical body does not mean the extinction of the 
timtan, although most poople who are supposedly 'alive' are 
somewhere on the lower part of the chart when it comes to awareness 
of their own awareness, if you know what I mean; in other words, 
they are below death .... "

I would not give you this data unless it can be demonstrated 
on any preclear with ease. And I wouM not give it to you unless 
you needed it. Here it is.
I..	RON HUBBARD

The bulletins on Dianetic auditing formed tim nucleus of the 
pack. Though some of the material was quite technical, the gist 
of it was that DiaBetic auditing was even simpler than in 1950. 
Now we had the E-meter to instantly indicate charge and its 
dispersal, Instead of running apcs every engram, the auditor 
simply watched the neeclle on the meter dial. It was chilcl's-play 
to spot the moment of Dianetic Release. All one neetied to know 
was what a floating needle looked like; when the needle on the 
large dial drifted lazily back and forth as though without support, 
the pc was free from engrams.
There were now two processes preparatory to the running of engrams: 
ARC Straightwire and Secondaries. Straightwire was supposed 
to sharpen the pc's memory. It consisted of three commands:

Recall a cotnmutlication; w/tat was it?, Recall somettlin,~ 
real; what was it?, Recall an emotion; what was it?

These were repeated over and over in sequence until the needle 
floated on the dial. The pc was then likely to have a cognition, 
such as, "Hmmm~ My memory is better than I thought it was," 
while brightening up.perceptibly to Enthusiasm, 4.0 on the tone 
scale, with good4ndicators in (pc is cheerful). At the first 
sign of a floating needle the auditor quietly said, "That's 
it," and allowed the pc to put down the tin cans. Then an examiner 
checked out the release on the meter.

48

; ,,~),
~
:~

:~ d ~


INSIDE SCIENTOLOGY

Secondaries were now considered a necessary preliminary to the 
engrams (which cotrid be quite hideous). The auditor put in 
an R ( Reality )-factor by explaining that a few moments of 
loss were going to be located and run through several times. 
It was best to start with a moment of light loss, such as a 
missing object. As soon as fi~e pc recalled an incident, he 
was asked to go to the beginning of it and from there through 
to the end, telling the auditor everything that happened. Then 
the auditor acked (acknowledged, or thanked) the pc and ordered 
him back to the beginning for another rclivh~g. After the light 
incident was run once or twice, the pc was asked to go to an 
earlier one. He would eventually arrive at a moment of great 
loss: the death of a loved one, for example. The whole procedt, 
re was repeated until there was a floating needle with good-indicators 
in. An examiner checked out the release.
The technique for run~ing engrams was identical: moments of 
pain, tmconscious~ess, shock, or extreme mental discomfort were 
relived by the pc starting preferably with a light incident, 
such as a cut finger, in the not-too-distant past. Then earlier 
incidents were located and run until the basic on the chain 
was reached; this could bring in past lives. The floating needle 
might occur here; if not, another chain was run, and another, 
and still anotl~er, as many as were necessary to produce the 
floating needle and good-indicators, at which point the session 
was ended. After being checked out, the pc was proclaimed a 
Dianetic Release.
To pass these bulletins, the theoretical part of the course, 
the class made demos, using paper-clips, pencils, and other 
small objects to illustrate Scientology terms. Erasers made 
good engrams, and the Time Track could be aptly represented 
by a long pencil or a piece of string.

49


DIANETIC TRAINING

This is useful knowleclge. With it the blind again see, the 
lame walk, the ill recover, the insane become sane and the sane 
becotne saner.

L.	RON HUllBARD

ARC is all-important in auditing. A stands for Affinity, R for 
Reality, and C for Commu~ication, the sum total of which equals 
Understanding. At its most graspable, the concept means nothing 
more than the qualities found in a warm personal relationship, 
but to a Scientologist ARC is imbued with intensely mystical 
implications which have, in fact, everything to do with an auditing 
session, right down to acking the pc and looking into his eyes. 
An auditor does everything possible to avoid an ARC break, a 
sudden drop in Affinity, Reality or Communication. Students 
devote much time to a series of training skills, the TRs which 
cover the basic auditing skills: confronting the pc, delivering 
auditing commands, and acknowledging, all while maintaining 
ARC. The TRs are regarded as so essential in the making of an 
auditor that their names (TR-1, TR-2, etc. ) have acquired a 
distinct usage in the Scientology vernacular. Students and auditors 
not only do TRs, they have TRs ("His TR-3 is beautiful," for 
example). These drills provide more

50

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INSIDE SCIENTOLOGY

fun and excitement tllan the tapes or bulletins because they 
lead prog~'essively into auditing-type situations.
We were encouraged, nursed along by our instructors, made to 
feel that we were doing well on the drills. Margo Zumbrich, 
who had completed her review, was my training partner. We began 
with TR-0 in the seclusion of the bedroom. TR-0 was to train 
'us to be able to sit, looking into each other's eyes from a 
few feet away, and simply be there. Movements of tile face or 
body, excessive blinking ~~f the eyes, or day dreaming drew 
"Flunk!" from the partner playing the role of coach. We were 
supposed to learn to sit quite motionless, yet with no appearance 
of rigidity, for at least two hours.
After a few minutes of staring, our eyes started to water. There 
were efforts to prevent blinking, followed by fits of it, with 
copious discharge of tears. The persistent looking into each 
other's eyes deadened us. The desire to swallow was another 
problem, and in trying to avoid gulping, one's face had a way 
of settling into a grim expression, but to try to change it 
would elicit a "Flunk for moving --Start!"
It took Margo and me a while to know what to look for in each 
other's TR-0. Gerald came into the room periodically to show 
us some subtle point.
"Flunk her, Bob. Don't you see her neck stiffenlug on the left 
side?" he would say, or, "Flunk him, Margo. His face is registering 
Grief. He's zero-point-five on the tone scale!"
We spent one entire evening and part of another doing TR-0 before 
Gerald would check us out on it. By the second evening, staring 
had taken on a pleasant effect.
We went on to bull-baiting. Margo worked tile button why hasn't 
a nice young man like yoursell/ottt~tl a wile? Then she played 
a nymphomaniac intent on seducing me. Geralxl came in and told 
us to switch roles, so I bull-baited Margo and made her laugh 
by prancing about on the rug like an ape.
Gerald whispered into my ear, "There's a lot more to bull-baiting 
fl~an laughs. Work her on the button trot there for a while, 
you'll see what I mean. Tell her, 'you're not there.'"
I repeated the phrase over and over, embroidering it with taunts: 
ú 'Margo, you can't confront this. You'd give anything to escape 
into your tlloughts. You're not there."
Her face collapsed in anguish. Then Gerald chimed in.
"Good! Keep it crisp. She's come a helluva way's up the tone 
scale. She's much more alert now~just doing TRs can raise a 
pc's tone level."
We drilled on TRs one through Iottr. TR-4 was a combination 
of all that preceded, and was almost actual auditing. TIm student 
had

51


Robert Kaufman

to get answers to his qttestions in spite of obstacles presented 
him by the coach, who did what he could to distract. If the 
coach's reread'ks were of a setjolts nature, however, they had 
to be acked. Thus the student lear~ed to make instantaneous 
judgments as to the variot~s types of pc response. The patter 
ran something like this:

"Do birds fly?"
"What kind of birds?" (coach evades answering)
"I'11 repeat the auditing question. Do birds fly?"
(Coach flaps arms--now he is bull-baiting)
"I'11 repeat the anditing question. Do bir& fly?"
"No." (an answer)
"Thank you. Do birds fly?"
"Say, I had an illnminating experience last night etc. etc ....	"
(auditor listens) "Fine. Do birds fly?"

When Mrs. Pattycake comes to us to be taught, turn that wandering 
doubt in her eye into a fixed, dedicated glare and she'll win 
and we'll all win. Humor her and we all die a little.
L.	RON HUBBARD

Ron Hubbard maintained that the dissemination of Scientology 
was easy; those who failed at it or were critical of the dissemination 
efforts of others had something to hide, perhaps suppressive 
tendencies. A little attention given the subject insured the 
proper persistence on the part of the disseminator.
There were four steps in a correct dissemination:

( 1 ) Contact~find a pc and approach him.
(2)	Handle soften any objections to Scientology.
(3)	Salvage, or find pc's ruin~cveryone has a major problcn~, 
weak spot, rttin.
(4)	Bring to unclcrstanding tell him that Scientology can 
solve his ruin and take him in to be processed.

I practically had to use physical force on Gerald to get through 
the dissemination drill. While I attempted to handle and salvage, 
he played the role of an alcoholic homosexual pc, plying me 
with drinks and pulling me towards the bedroom. h'~ his student 
days Gerald had been a daring and ruthless disseminator, not 
like those callow youngsters passing out leaflets on the street 
but with a flair and originality befitting his style. He had 
once grabbed a man by the arm on a London street, shouted "YOU'LL 
DO!" and dragged him into the nearby org.

52

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~:


INSIDE SCIENTOLOGY

Blttntly, at~diting can't be at optimum without an electropsychotneler. 
An ttttdilor attdiling wit/tout tt macltine retninds one of 
a httitter httnting ducks at pitch black midnight, firing his 
gun of J in all directions.
L.	RON HUBBARD

The face of the meter is topped by a thin layer of glass. Its 
most prominent feature is the slightly curving needle dial which 
runs about two-thirds its length. TIm electric current which 
tim meter sends steadily into the pc's hands during a session 
sets np a circuit, and the fluctuatio~s of the needle are supposedly 
caused by the changing energy trod mass of his thoughts just 
below conscious level, traveling from his brain back to the 
machine.
E-meter procedures are carefully spelled out, and must be followed 
tmiformly with each use of the machine. There are drills for 
setting up the meter, turning it on and off, and centering the 
needle. A circular knob next to the dial called the Tone Arm 
is used to keep the needle centered. The Tone Arm has a small, 
circular dial of its own, divided up by the nu~nbers one through 
seven. These numbers rellect the condition of the preclear during 
the session; while not the same as the tone scale numbers, which 
chart the emotional or spiritual states of being, the extremities 
of the Tone Arm dial do indicate to some degree the tenseness 
or the placidity of the pc. The ideal range is in the middle. 
For a floating needle to be authentic, the Tone Arm must rest 
between the two and three on its dial. The auditor keeps the 
needle centered by unobstrusive movements of his thumb against 
the Tone Arm; then it can easily be seen if the needle goes 
into a float. When the pc is told to pick tip the cans, the 
auditor can quickly ascertain whetl~er he is gripping them too 
tightly or too loosely; it might again be necessary to bring 
the needle back to center, since pressure on the cans affects 
its movements. A pc is not permitted to wear rings on his lingers, 
because they interfere with the electric current.
There is a vast body of data on the varied types of needle action, 
bnt students at this level have only to be concerned with tbe 
floating needle. As for finding out what constitutes a read 
or how the auditor knows so much from observing the meter, one 
would have to wait for a more advanced course.
Certain procedures help to insure a smooth auditing session. 
The R-factor put in prior to each process, explaining what follows, 
is supposed to satisfy the pc's curiosity sulliciently to alleviate 
any uneasiness; any sort of explanation tends to dispel some 
of the mystery surrouncling processing and the E-meter, and 
also establishes a common "reality" on the Scientology terms 
used. Hubbard places par-

53


Robert Kaufman

ticular emphasis on the ,,tuditor's Code, a set of regulations 
governing the auditor's conduct with pcs both in and out of 
session, formulated for the purpose of keeping in ARC.

Do not evaluate for the preclear.
Do not invalidate or correct the preclear's data. Do not process 
a preclear after ten o'clock at night. Be willing to grant beingness 
to the prcclear.

These and fifteen other rules had to be learned verbatim.
Gerald tipped me off to other useful preliminaries. If the pc 
seemed worried, chances were he had a present time problem (PTP). 
It was wise, before processing, to get him to talk about it 
and let off some charge. If the pc was surly or despondent, 
he had an ARC break with someone or something, possibly the 
auditor, and until it was cleaned up, auditing would be a waste 
of time. Criticisms of Scientology were referred to a natter. 
A nattering pc had considerations and was encourage